Quotes from Chico Marx movies and TV shows

Hammer: What would you like? Would you like a suite on the third floor?
Chico: No. I'll take a Pollack in the basement.

Hammer: Look, Einstein. Here's Cocoanut Manor. No matter what you say, this is Cocoanut Manor. Here's Cocoanut Manor. Here's Cocoanut Heights. That's a swamp - right over where the - where the road forks, that's Cocoanut Junction.
Chico: Where have you got Cocoanut Custard?
Hammer: Why, that's on one of the forks. You probably eat with your knife, so you wouldn't have to worry about that.

Hammer: Now here is a little peninsula and here is a viaduct leading over to the mainland.
Chico: Why a duck?

Hammer: Come over here, I want to see you. Now, listen to me. I'm not going to have that red-headed fellow running around the lobby. If you want to keep him up in the room, you'll have to keep him in a trap.
Chico: You can't catch him.
Hammer: Who is he?
Chico: He's my partner, but he no speak.
Hammer: Oh, that's your silent partner.

Hammer: All along the river, those are all levees.
Chico: That's the Jewish neighborhood?
Hammer: Well, we'll pass over that.

Chico: He say six, I say seven. He say seven, I say eight. He say eight, I say nine. I got plenty a numbers left. When I start, I no stoppa for no-tin'. I go higher, higher, higher, all the time I go higher.
Hammer: Eh, you'll go higher when I get ahold of ya. Sold to Hiawatha for eight hundred dollars.

Flo: Oh, what is the meaning of this? Oh, why you little pest. Well.
Dr. Hackenbush: Say, what's the matter with you mugs? Haven't you got any gallantry at all?
Tony: She's in with Whitmore. She's trying to frame you.
Dr. Hackenbush: I wouldn't mind framing her. A prettier picture, I've never seen.
Flo: Thank you.
Dr. Hackenbush: Thank yo.
Tony: Hey Doc! Doc, I'm tell you a secret - she's out to get you.
Flo: Why, I've never been so insulted in my life.
Dr. Hackenbush: Well, it's early yet.

Tony: Well, that's-a fine. Now we owe the Sheriff a hundred and twenty dollars and a sock.

Rufus T. Firefly: Now that you're Secretary of War, what kind of an army do you think we ought to have?
Chicolini: Well, I tell you what I think, I think we should have a standing army.
Rufus T. Firefly: Why should we have a standing army?
Chicolini: Because then we save money on chairs.

Rufus T. Firefly: Awfully decent of you to drop in today. Do you realise our army is facing disastrous defeat? What do you intend to do about it?
Chicolini: I've done it already.
Rufus T. Firefly: You've done what?
Chicolini: I've changed to the other side.
Rufus T. Firefly: So you're on the other side, eh? Well, what are you doing over here?
Chicolini: Well, the food is better over here.

Rufus T. Firefly: Gentlemen, Chicolini here may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot. I implore you, send him back to his father and brothers, who are waiting for him with open arms in the penitentiary. I suggest that we give him ten years in Leavenworth, or eleven years in Twelveworth.
Chicolini: I'll tell you what I'll do: I'll take five and ten in Woolworth.

Rufus T. Firefly: Hey! Do you want to be a public nuisance?
Chicolini: Sure! How much does the job pay?

Chicolini: Now I aska you one. What has a trunk, but no key, weighs 2,000 pounds and lives in a circus?
Prosecutor: That's irrelevant.
Chicolini: Irrelephant? Hey, that'sa that answer. There's a whole lot of irrelephants in the circus.

Prosecutor: Chicolini, when were you born?
Chicolini: I don't-a remember. I was just a little baby.
Prosecutor: Isn't it true you tried to sell Freedonia's secret war code and plans?
Chicolini: Sure, I sold a code and two pair of plans.

Ambassador Trentino: Chicolini, your partner has deserted you but I'm still counting on you. There is a machine gun nest near Hill 28. I want it cleaned out.
Chicolini: All right, I'll tell the janitor.

Prosecutor: Something must be done! War would mean a prohibitive increase in our taxes.
Chicolini: Hey, I got an uncle lives in Taxes.
Prosecutor: No, I'm talking about taxes - money, dollars.
Chicolini: Dollars! There's-a where my uncle lives! Dollars, Taxes.

Rufus T. Firefly: Chicolini, I need you badly right now. What'll you take to come back and work for me again?
Chicolini: I'll take a vacation.
Rufus T. Firefly: Good, you're hired.

Chicolini: Mister you no understand. Look, he's a spy and I'm a spy, he work-a for me. I want him to find out-a something, but he no find out what I wanna find out. Now how am I gonna find out what I wanna find out if he no find out what I gotta find out?

Rufus T. Firefly: How would you like a job in the mint?
Chicolini: Mint? No, no, I no like a mint. Uh, what other flavor you got?

Rufus T. Firefly: Chicolini, give me a number from one to ten.
Chicolini: Eleven.
Rufus T. Firefly: Right.