Quotes from Adrian Edmondson movies and TV shows

Parade - S2-E4

Eddie: So, er, what did you do then?
Falklands War Vet: Well, I'd rather not talk about it.
Eddie: Why? Is it embarrassing? Shit your pants, did you? Cry, did you?
Falklands War Vet: Quite the opposite, actually.
Eddie: What, you sucked water in through your eyes?

Digger - S2-E1

Woman: And your name?
Eddie: Edward Hitler.
Women: Ooh, any relation?
Eddie: Well... I've got a mother.
Women: No, no I meant to Adolf Hitler.
Eddie: Yes, that's her!

Smells - S1-E1

Eddie: This is a sex shop isn't it?
Shop Assistant: Yes.
Eddie: [slaps money down.] I'll have five quid's worth then!
Shop Assistant: Very droll sir, I've never heard that one before.
Eddie: Haven't you? Shall I tell it again?
Shop Assistant: No thank you sir, I'd rather have a pineapple inserted violently into my rectum.
Eddie: You've been working here too long, mate.

Eddie Elizabeth Ndingombaba: Chef's hurt himself.
Richard Twat: How badly?
Eddie Elizabeth Ndingombaba: Indescribably badly. He hit his head on a frying pan seventeen times.

Boring - S1-E3

Rik: Hey guys, wouldn't it be AMAZING if all this money was real?
Vyvyan: Rik, that is the single most predictable and BORING thing anyone could ever say whilst playing Monopoly.

Nasty - S2-E3

Rik: Oh no, the front door's exploded. Vyvyan.
Mike: Vyvyan.
Vyvyan: Vyvyan, Vyvyan, Vyvyan. Honestly, whenever anything explodes in this house it's always 'Blame Vyvyan'.