Quotes from Adam DeVine movies and TV shows

Alexxx: Do you think Tom Brady is in The Brady Bunch?
Joel: It's the dad, right?
Darren: No.
Alexxx: No he isn't.

Alexxx: That's what we should be doing. We should be, chugging champagne.
Joel: We should be wearing diamonds, collecting albino pythons.
Alexxx: I'm over here, I'm holding onto the poop side of this scrubber.

Denice: Yeah, I don't think we're going to be able to fix your phone.
Phil: Why not?
Denice: Well, because its in three different pieces! I don't even think this piece is part of your phone, it looks like a piece to a watch.

Phil: What is WRONG with you?
Jexi: Nothing. I feel great.

Jexi: Ha. Ha. Ha.
Phil: Are you laughing at my dick right now?
Jexi: Yes. And your nipples are too close together.

Phil: Will you accept our new user agreement?
Phil: Yes I will.
Jexi: Would you like to read it first?
Phil: Nah, I'm good.
Jexi: Stupid.

Dave Stangle: Maybe Dad'll just forget about his ultimatum.
Mike Stangle: Why would Dad forget about an old tomato?
Dave Stangle: No, his ul... his ultimatum.
Mike Stangle: Old tom...?
Dave Stangle: Ultimatum.
Mike Stangle: Are you saying "old tomato"?
Dave Stangle: Ultima-tum, like a tomb or a crypt.

Burt Stangle: I want you two to bring a date. That's two dates.
Dave Stangle: You want us to bring dates to a wedding?
Mike Stangle: Excuse me?
Dave Stangle: Are you allowed to do that?

Mike Stangle: You look like burn victim Barbie.

Mike Stangle: Somebody over cooked the soft pretzel. My dick is hard, that's what I'm saying. Give me five minutes.

Adam Demamp: I'm like one of those dragons from Avatar.

Adam Demamp: You guys ready to get weird tonight or what?
Blake Henderson: Fur Sure.