Queen Victoria: I am 81 years of age. I've had nine children and 42 grandchildren, and have almost a billion citizens. I have rheumatism, a collapsed uterus, I'm morbidly obese and deaf in one ear. I have known 11 Prime Ministers and passed 2,347 pieces of legislation. I've been in office 62 years, 234 days. Thus, I am the longest-serving monarch in world history. I'm responsible for five households and a staff of over 3,000. I am cantankerous, boring, greedy, fat, ill-tempered, at times selfish and myopic, both metaphorically and literally. I am perhaps disagreeably attached to power and should not have smashed the Emperor of Russia's egg. But I am anything but insane. If the household wish to disobey me, so be it. Let them do it to my face. I will see everyone in the Durbar Room at once.