Machete: Machete don't joke.
Voz: Mendez wasn't my only boogeyman. North Korea, Russia, I have a Mendez everywhere. And in a matter of hours, they'll launch on one another, throwing the world into gargantuan, unrecoverable anarchy. Too many syllables? The world is fucked.
Machete: Why?
Voz: This world must end in order for a more perfect one to emerge. And like it or not, Mr. Machete, you're coming with me.
Voz: My molecule blaster doesn't quite work yet - keeps turning shit inside out.
Sheriff Doakes: Well, I'll be goddamned.
Clebourne: They say he doesn't die, sir. Been shot, stabbed. Doesn't ever die.
Sheriff Doakes: Bull-fucking-shit. This Pedro has just got a thick neck is all.
Machete: Good luck on that pageant.
Miss San Antonio: I'm gonna need a lot more than luck! Did you see the ass of Miss Corpus Christi?
Machete: Machete don't tweet.
Elon Musk: Good luck, Mr. Machete. Get the bastard.
Desdemona: Ladies, give them hell. Save lover boy for mama. I have a special package for him. Killjoy! Give me my strap-on.
Miss San Antonio: Watch it now Pussycat. That's not a very ladylike kinda thing to say.
Luz: I don't do ladylike.
Miss San Antonio: So what then, you're just a regular old cranky bitch? Or is it PMS?
Luz: If it were PMS, you'd be dead already.
Mr. President: You know Mexico. Hell, you are Mexico.
Mendez: Vengeance never dies, it only changes targets.
Luz: Takes a bitch to make a bitch. And I smell fish taco.
Miss San Antonio: Try not to be distracted by the cleavage and the hairspray. That's part of my cover.
Luz: I knew I smelt bitch in the air tonight.
Miss San Antonio: Payback's the only bitch you need to worry about! This dress costs more than your fucking life.
Luz: Didn't anybody ever tell you not to wear a dress to a gunfight?
Miss San Antonio: Oh, baby, I always dress to the nines.
Luz: I dress to kill.
Voz: I just gotta say that you are one genuine article, Genghis Khan, high-caliber, fucker-people-upper.
Luz: I thought Machete don't text.
Machete: Machete loves everybody.
