Det Sgt. Bung: A young lady has disappeared and we're anxious to trace her whereabouts.
Dr. Watt: Oh? Whereabouts?
Det Sgt. Bung: Hereabouts.
Albert: At ten o'clock.
Det Sgt. Bung: Or thereabouts.
Constable Slobotham: In this vicinity.
Det Sgt. Bung: Or roundabouts.
Constable Slobotham: We're police officers.
Albert: Or layabouts.
Valeria: Why don't we do what they did to your friend Dracula, drive a spike through his heart.
Dr. Watt: No, I don't really feel like driving tonight.
Constable Slobotham: I'm a police officer and I must warn you that I'll take down anything you say.
Dan Dann: Alright then, trousers.
Dr. Watt: Frying tonight.
Det Sgt. Bung: I've been up till half six looking for a woman.
Emily Bung: That should be something you're good at, looking for women.
Det Sgt. Bung: I wouldn't say that, last time I tried I found you.
Mr. Jones: What difference does it make whose bed it was.
Constable Slobotham: Might make a difference to someone.
Dr. Watt: They would have to come tonight, just when I'm feeling half dead.
Det Sgt. Bung: I came here to perform a duty.
Valeria: Well, get on with it! I haven't got all night, you know.
Emily Bung: You haven't taken me out for ages.
Det Sgt. Bung: Don't exaggerate, we went out a couple of months ago, had a lovely time.
Emily Bung: You call that lovely, my poor mother's funeral.
Det Sgt. Bung: Well I enjoyed it.
Constable Slobotham: Sorry, Sergeant! I thought it was that horrible thing again.
Det Sgt. Bung: What horrible thing?
Constable Slobotham: I don't know. It was something unspeakable.
Det Sgt. Bung: Unspeakable?
Constable Slobotham: Yes. Never said a word.
Albert: We felt like getting a bit of fresh air and that.
Constable Slobotham: What's that?
Det Sgt. Bung: Same as the other.
Det Sgt. Bung: This ear was found in Slocombe woods.
Valeria: What. This ear?
Det Sgt. Bung: Yes, that there.
Emily Bung: That telephone ringing at all hours of the day and night. It's the invention of the devil. It's like someone walking in on you in the bath, it's an invasion of privacy, that's what it is.
Det Sgt. Bung: You in the bath? That'd stop any invasion.
Det Sgt. Bung: I'll say this for you, you make a good trouser press.
Constable Slobotham: Happen to know what Doris was wearing?
Albert: Yes, a sort of white frilly blouse with a dark green jacket and a long green skirt.
Det Sgt. Bung: Did you get that down.
Albert: Oh no, as I said, I've only known her for a year.
Det Sgt. Bung: I was talking to my assistant.