Rachel Flax: Ok, I've had a little scotch... I'm real calm.
Charlotte Flax: Sometimes I feel like you're the child and I'm the grown up.
Rachel Flax: Alright, you know what? I'll make you a deal. You stop being a little bitch for, let's say, oh, I don't know, an hour or two, and I won't knock the religion of your choice for a week. Deal?
Charlotte Flax: Deal.
Charlotte Flax: A word about Mrs. Flax and food: the word is "hors d'oeurves." Fun Finger Foods is her main source book and it's all the woman cooks.
Charlotte Flax: He has the most beautiful skin in captivity, I love him because he wears moccasins in the winter even though his feet must feel like blocks of ice.
Rachel Flax: One thing you can rely on about your father: He can't be relied on.
Rachel Flax: Death is dwelling on the past or staying in one place too long.
Rachel Flax: Charlotte, I know you're planning a celibate life, but with half my chromosomes, I think that might be tough.
Charlotte Flax: I wanted to ask her what color her bra was and if she had pure thoughts every second of the day, but.
Charlotte Flax: So Joe, tell me about the nuns in the convent. Do they wear underwear in the shower?
Charlotte Flax: Oh god. I think I might be pregnant with the next Jewish Italian Messiah.