Mallrats (1995)

T.S. Quint: How much did you smoke?
Jay: All it took was a phat, chronic blunt. These guys were lightweights.
T.S. Quint: How much do I owe you?
Jay: My treat. As long as you promise that the next time you pop your old lady, you make her call you "Jay." Snootchie Bootchies.
T.S. Quint: Let's hope there is a next time.

Brodie: You know about this game show they got goin' on here? We need you guys to somehow ensure that it doesn't happen.
Jay: Is that it? We were gonna do that anyway.
Brodie: Really? Why?
Jay: What else are we gonna do?

T.S. Quint: You should see yourself right now - a grown man with his hand down his pants.
Brodie: Yeah, I probably look like my old man.

T.S. Quint: Maybe he's calmed down, we'll talk about it reasonably.
Brodie: Reasonably shmeasonably, you should go over there and give him shit.

Shannon Hamilton: You wanna say something?
Brodie: Yeah. About a million things, but I can't express myself monosyllabically enough for you to understand 'em all.

Shannon Hamilton: You're sure you saw her get on?
T.S. Quint: Maybe she was getting off.

Brodie: I call you all time.
Rene: "Rene, my mom's asleep. Come over." You call that romantic? When was the last time you pulled out my chair, or told me I was beautiful?
Brodie: And this guy does all this in a day?
Rene: This guy already introduced me to his mother.
Brodie: Really?

Brodie: Hey, look at that ring. What is that?
Jared Svenning: That is, um, my Junior College class ring. Cum Laude, '69.
Brodie: I also hope to cum loud one day, preferably in a 69.

Brodie: Say, would you like a chocolate covered pretzel? They're a little melty but damn are they exquisite.

Brandi: Suitor #2.
Gil Hicks: Hey, what about me?
Brodie: Aw Gil, just shut the fuck up.

Gwen: Why are you glowing?
Brodie: I'm not glowing.

Ivannah: It's the third nipple that does it.
T.S. Quint: Oh, you have a third nipple? I didn't notice.
Brodie: What are you talking about? It's as clear as day! Look at it for god's sake.
Ivannah: You can stare at it. I don't mind.

T.S. Quint: How easily do you quit? Say you wind up with one of us?
Brodie: Hopefully not Rush Limbaugh over here.
Gil Hicks: Well, now, I'm not like Rush Limbaugh.
Brodie: Well, why not? Because he's fat? Now you have something against fat people, too?

Brodie: Hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn for Sega.

Brodie: You're giving up? You? You used to be stand-up guy, what happened to him? The guy who punched Amanda Gross' mother after she called him "low class."
T.S. Quint: That wasn't me. It was you.
Brodie: Oh, yeah.
T.S. Quint: And it wasn't her mother, it was her grandmother.
Brodie: No wonder the bitch went down so fast.

Jay: Bye baby kitties. Damn Silent Bob, show some heart.

Brodie: Listen, not a year goes by, not a year, that I don't hear about some escalator accident involving some bastard kid which could have easily been avoided had some parent - I don't care which one - but some parent conditioned him to fear and respect that escalator.