Gwen: Why are you glowing?
Brodie: I'm not glowing.
Brodie: Hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn for Sega.
Brodie: Listen, not a year goes by, not a year, that I don't hear about some escalator accident involving some bastard kid which could have easily been avoided had some parent - I don't care which one - but some parent conditioned him to fear and respect that escalator.
Willam Black: When Lord? When the hell do I get to see the goddamn sailboat?
Shannon Hamilton: That's it. You're dead, mallrat! I'm gonna fuck you up beyond repair.
Brodie: Ladies and gentlemen, this tall drink of water headed my way is a pillar of the shopping community who informed me earlier today of a nefarious plan of his to screw my girlfriend in an extremely uncomfortable place.
Gil Hicks: What... like the back of a Volkswagen?
Brodie: I love the smell of commerce in the morning.
Gwen: Tell me about the elevator.
Brodie: It goes up-and-down. Ba-dump-tsss.
Brodie: You fuckers think just because a guy reads comics he can't start some shit?
Shannon Hamilton: You're sure you saw her get on?
T.S. Quint: Maybe she was getting off.
Brodie: Say, would you like a chocolate covered pretzel? They're a little melty but damn are they exquisite.
Ivannah: It's the third nipple that does it.
T.S. Quint: Oh, you have a third nipple? I didn't notice.
Brodie: What are you talking about? It's as clear as day! Look at it for god's sake.
Ivannah: You can stare at it. I don't mind.
Brodie: You're giving up? You? You used to be stand-up guy, what happened to him? The guy who punched Amanda Gross' mother after she called him "low class."
T.S. Quint: That wasn't me. It was you.
Brodie: Oh, yeah.
T.S. Quint: And it wasn't her mother, it was her grandmother.
Brodie: No wonder the bitch went down so fast.
T.S. Quint: Why do palm reading topless?
Brodie: It makes the news easier to take. She could tell me I was going to die in ten minutes, just as long as she told me topless.
T.S. Quint: Your maleness amazes me sometimes.
Bob Summers: Our first suitor goes to Marymount College where he majors in economics. Say hi to Doug Paging.
Jay: DO IT doug.
Brodie: You used to like tits too.
T.S. Quint: Hey, I love tits as much as the next guy, but why should I pay some old hag good money for some supernatural chicanery coupled with a pair of sagging wrinkled weathered boobs?
Brodie: That kid is back... on the escalator again.
