Megan McCallister: You're not at all worried that something might happen to Kevin?
Buzz McCallister: No, for three reasons: A, I'm not that lucky. Two, we use smoke detectors and D, we live on the most boring street in the whole United States of America, where nothing even remotely dangerous will ever happen. Period.
Classic Movie Mob Guy: Who is it?
Pizza Delivery Boy: It's Little Nero's, sir. I have your pizza.
Classic Movie: Leave it on the doorstep and get the hell outta here.
Pizza Delivery Boy: Okay. Um, well, what about the money?
Classic Movie: What money?
Pizza Delivery Boy: You have to pay for your pizza, sir.
Classic Movie: Is that a fact? How much do I owe you?
Pizza Delivery Boy: Um, that'll be $11.80, sir.
[Kevin puts $12 through the doggy door.]
Classic Movie: Keep the change you filthy animal.
Pizza Delivery Boy: Cheapskate.
Classic Movie: Hey! I'm going to give you to the count of 10 to get your ugly, yella, no good keister off my property before I pump your guts full of lead. 1. 2. 10. [Machine gun fire and laughter].
Kevin McCallister: I took a shower washing every body part with actual soap; including all my major crevices; including inbetween my toes and in my belly button, which I never did before but sort of enjoyed. I washed my hair with adult formula shampoo and used cream rinse for that just-washed shine. I can't seem to find my toothbrush, so I'll pick one up when I go out today. Other than that, I'm in good shape.
Marv: Kids are scared of the dark.
Harry: You're afraid of the dark, too, Marv.
Kate McCallister: Where are the passports and tickets?
Peter McCallister: I put them in the microwave to dry em' off.
Kevin McCallister: Buzz?
Buzz McCallister: Don't you know how to knock, phlegm wad?
Kevin McCallister: Can I sleep in your room? I don't wanna sleep on the hide-a-bed with the Fuller. If he has something to drink, he'll wet the bed.
Buzz McCallister: I wouldn't let you sleep in my room if you were growing on my ass!