Hayley Stark: It's not me you need to worry about. It's Janelle. I called her, told her I was lieutenant Hayley from the LAPD. How far does she live, Jeff?
Hayley Stark: This is what they make those federal laws for, Jeff. This is officially sick.
Hayley Stark: I guess they, uh, weren't brass.
Jeff Kohlver: Fuck off.
Hayley Stark: Your conversational skills are really deteriorating as the day goes on.
Hayley Stark: I shouldn't have teased you. I shouldn't have made you think there was a way out of this.
Jeff Kohlver: Well, you look older than you are and you certainly act older than you are.
Jeff Kohlver: Is this some kind of teenage joke?
Hayley Stark: Teenage? Yeah. Joke? No.
Jeff Kohlver: Those letters are mine.
Hayley Stark: Nothing's yours when you invite a teenager into your home.
Jeff Kohlver: Why don't you just kill me?
Hayley Stark: Is that what you think I want?
Hayley Stark: Well, 4 out of 5 doctors agree that I am actually insane.
Hayley Stark: You're a headline waiting to happen.
Hayley Stark: Seriously. It turns out that castration is like the easiest surgical procedure around, and thousands of farm boys across the country geld their own livestock. So I figured, if they can do it, then I can pull it off, if you know what I mean.
Jeff Kohlver: I'm not fucking livestock.
Hayley Stark: You keep telling yourself that, stud.
Hayley Stark: You really just don't look like kind of guy who needs to meet girls over the internet.
Jeff Kohlver: Well, I think it's better to meet people online first, sometimes. You get to know what they're like inside. When you work as a photographer you find out, real quick, people's faces lie.
Hayley Stark: Does my face lie?
