SOD McKinley: I don't give a flying handshake what your name is.
Penny Priddy: What do you want from me Buckaroo? Who am I?
Buckaroo Banzai: As near as I can figure, you had an identical twin sister, and I married her. But that's over now, and she's gone. And that's about all there is really to say about that.
SOD McKinley: You are... John YaYa. And you... John Small Berries.
Mission Control: Buckaroo, The White House wants to know is everything ok with the alien space craft from Planet 10 or should we just go ahead and destroy Russia?
Buckaroo Banzai: Tell him yes on one and no on two.
Mission Control: Which one was yes, go ahead and destroy Russia... or number 2?
Jack the Orderly: I've come for your tv. You've been using too much juice. Another 10,000 kilowatts again this month. Beats me how an old, homicidal loony can use that much power.
Lord John Whorfin: Home... home is where you wear your hat... I feel so breakup, I wanna go home.
Black Lectroid Commander: So what? Big deal.
Lord John Whorfin: Laugh-a while you can, monkey-boy.
Buckaroo Banzai: You can check your anatomy all you want, and even though there may be normal variation, when it comes right down to it, this far inside the head it all looks the same. No, no, no, don't tug on that. You never know what it might be attached to.
Orderly: Who are you today, Doc? Einstein?
Lord John Whorfin: Lord John Whorfin. If there's one thing I hate, it's to be mistaken for somebody else.
John O'Connor: They're only monkey-boys. We can crush them here on earth, Lord Whorfin.
John Parker: Buckaroo Banzai.
Buckaroo Banzai: What?
John Parker: There is little time. You'd better come quickly if your planet is still important to you.
Artie: I don't care if you drove through a mountain in Texas. This is New Jersey, and when you play my... when you play my joint, you're just another act. I want some music out'a you characters.
Reno: You want it, Artie? You got it.
John Bigboote: Damn John Whorfin and the horse he rode in on.
Casper Lindley: She can't be serious, can she? Vaporize the whole damn planet?
Buckaroo Banzai: You wanna roll all those dice, Casper?
Casper Lindley: Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. Not me, man, not me.
Buckaroo Banzai: You ever thought about joining me full time?
New Jersey: Whatya mean, you serious, do you have an opening?
Buckaroo Banzai: Uh huh. Can you sing?
New Jersey: A little, yeh, I can dance.
Perfect Tommy: Be cool. She'll hold.
Yoyodyne intercom announcement: The only joy is the joy of duty. Work... work... work.
Rawhide: Dr. Banzai is using a laser to vaporize a pineal tumor without damaging the parthogenital plate. A subcutaneous microphone will allow the patient to transmit verbal instructions to his own brain.
Observer: Like, "raise my left arm"?
Rawhide: Or "throw the harpoon." People are gonna come from all over. This boy's an Eskimo.
General Catburd: The man's been through solid matter, for crying out loud. Who knows what's happened to his brain? Maybe it's scrambled his molecules. All I'm saying is, Mr. President, let's not panic.
