SOD McKinley: I don't give a flying handshake what your name is.
Lord John Whorfin: John O'Connor, install my Oscillation Overthruster.
Jack the Orderly: I've come for your tv. You've been using too much juice. Another 10,000 kilowatts again this month. Beats me how an old, homicidal loony can use that much power.
Lord John Whorfin: Laugh-a while you can, monkey-boy.
John O'Connor: They're only monkey-boys. We can crush them here on earth, Lord Whorfin.
Casper Lindley: She can't be serious, can she? Vaporize the whole damn planet?
Buckaroo Banzai: You wanna roll all those dice, Casper?
Casper Lindley: Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. Not me, man, not me.
Rawhide: Dr. Banzai is using a laser to vaporize a pineal tumor without damaging the parthogenital plate. A subcutaneous microphone will allow the patient to transmit verbal instructions to his own brain.
Observer: Like, "raise my left arm"?
Rawhide: Or "throw the harpoon." People are gonna come from all over. This boy's an Eskimo.
New Jersey: Why is there a watermelon there?
Reno: I'll tell you later.
Lord John Whorfin: May I pass along my congratulations for your great interdimensional breakthrough. I am sure, in the miserable annals of the Earth, you will be duly enshrined.
John Bigboote: John O'Connor, break the window.
John O'Connor: Why me, John Bigboote?
John Bigboote: It might be booby-trapped.
John O'Connor: Oh.
Penny Priddy: What do you want from me Buckaroo? Who am I?
Buckaroo Banzai: As near as I can figure, you had an identical twin sister, and I married her. But that's over now, and she's gone. And that's about all there is really to say about that.
SOD McKinley: You are... John YaYa. And you... John Small Berries.
Lord John Whorfin: Home... home is where you wear your hat... I feel so breakup, I wanna go home.
Buckaroo Banzai: You can check your anatomy all you want, and even though there may be normal variation, when it comes right down to it, this far inside the head it all looks the same. No, no, no, don't tug on that. You never know what it might be attached to.
Artie: I don't care if you drove through a mountain in Texas. This is New Jersey, and when you play my... when you play my joint, you're just another act. I want some music out'a you characters.
Reno: You want it, Artie? You got it.
Perfect Tommy: Be cool. She'll hold.
Lord John Whorfin: Shut up, Big-booty, you coward. You are the weakest individual I ever know.
Lord John Whorfin: Where are we going?
The Red Lectroids: Planet Ten.
Lord John Whorfin: When?
The Red Lectroids: Real soon.
Lord John Whorfin: She'll live, but only for a while... and she won't enjoy it.
Black Lectroid Commander: So what? Big deal.
