Gaspar Voorsboch: We will die together, Douche.
Deuce Bigalow: Please, you don't have to do this.
Gaspar Voorsboch: Those Manwhores ruined my life.
Deuce Bigalow: Just give me the detonater.
Gaspar Voorsboch: No, my Penis exploded.
Deuce Bigalow: O.k., that's a tough one, I'll give you that, but... having a Penis, is way over rated, trust me.
T.J. Hicks: I ain't gay! I was just looking down his pants 'cause I heard his shlong was so big, and juicy! No wait! That didn't sound right.
Heinz Hummer: I am Heinz Hummer. I'm the gigolo with the most below. Okay? I can give you a Filthy Lopez like you never had before. I could give you a Cambodian Creamsicle... that will make you scream all night. Okay? But not now because I'm busy. So leave me alone, bitch.
T.J. Hicks: What is that? That is not a dick in my hand. Anybody got some antibacterial gel? I got burnt dick on my hand.
T.J. Hicks: Did you know Holland invented chicken and waffles?
Deuce Bigalow: Really?
T.J. Hicks: Before that you could get chicken or waffles, but they were the first to put them together! Black people all over the world will be forever grateful to the Dutch for that.
Deuce Bigalow: You know the Dutch started the slave trade.
T.J. Hicks: Those mother fuckers.
Deuce Bigalow: We're gonna prove that you didn't kill anyone.
T.J. Hicks: I don't give a damn about that. It's the "extremely gay" part that's bothering me. I mean, if I'm a murderer, they'll welcome me home with open arms. Get out of jail and become a huge rapper. But a gay pimp? Like, where am I going? Vermont?