Mrs. Tingle: Who can tell me if Frankenstein was circumcised?
Nurse: ...and that's how I knew I wasn't a lesbian.
Killer: Do you like scary movies?
Screw: Oh. What, you mean like Spike Lee movies?
Killer: Look, lay off the Spikester! He's keeping it real.
Pizza Guy: Hi there. Delivery from 24-Hour Pizza. If we're not here in 24 hours, then we're not coming.
Mr. Lowelle: Hello gang, welcome to Sex Education. If you aren't registered for this course or are a Southern Baptist, you're in the wrong room.
Dawson: What's the big deal? Kids get killed every day. This is high school.
Slab: No, Dawson. This kid was white.
Hagatha: Who's that? Your grandmother?
Doughy: With the bong? Yeah.
Hagatha: Glaucoma?
Doughy: No, spring break.
Screw: Math? How am I supposed to know that? I'm a beautiful popular rich kid with a promising future in a light-weight sorority at a state college. I don't need to know that stuff, I'm gonna get married.
Hagatha: Actually, it's on cable. But it's just as important.
Doughy: Well, that's more important! On cable you can say dyke, boobies, butts, bastards.
Martina: Didn't your whole family get chopped up and fed to a fish farm?
Dawson: Allegedly.
Martina: Did you hear the news? About Screw. She was killed. Murdered. Gutted. Flayed. Sliced. Diced. Fried. And hung.
Boner: I'm never gonna get laid.
Martina: Oh, and it's all over the TV news.
Boner: Oh, great! Now everybody knows.
Mrs. Peacock, Bulimia Falls HS Secretary: Dawson, let me introduce you to the principal. Sorry, The Administrator-Formerly-Known-As-Principal.
Nurse: Sex can be a beautiful, sensual experience between a man and a woman who truly love each other and want to spend eternity together lying in each other's gentle embrace. Or it can be a dirty, filthy spank-fest in a bus station restroom shared by two anonymous consenting adults on a layover in Detroit and no-one ever need know.
Doughy: Whereas Hardy enjoys a minuet, ballet ruse and crepes suzette.
Hardy: Doughy likes to rock n roll, a hot dog makes him lose control.
Hagitha: What a wild duet.
Martina: Still they're cousins.
Dawson: Identical cousins.
Martina: They laugh alike.
Dawson: They walk alike.
Martina: At times they even talk alike.
Hagitha: And you can lose your mind.
