Noises Off... (1992)

Lloyd: You hang up the phone, you leave the sardines, and you got out with the newspaper.

Dotty: Lucky I can't see far with this leg.

Lloyd: Like the band playing on as the Titanic sank.

Selsdon: Am I on?
Belinda: No, no, no, no.
Dotty: No.
Selsdon: Oh, I thought I heard my voice.

Gary: Lloyd, let me just say one thing, since we've stopped. I've worked with a lotta directors, Lloyd. Some of them were geniuses, some of them were bastards. But I've never met one who was so totally and absolutely... I don't know.
Lloyd: Thank you Gary, I'm very touched. Now will you get off the fucking stage?

Dotty: Oh, yes, dear. Everything's all nice and paranormal here.

Lloyd: On we blindly stumble.

Lloyd: Brooke?
Brooke: Yes?
Lloyd: Are you in?
Brooke: In?
Lloyd: Are you there?
Brooke: What?
Lloyd: You're out. Okay. I'll call again.

Selsdon: So, what's next on the bill?
Lloyd: Well, Selsdon, I thought we might try a spot of rehearsal.
Selsdon: Oh, I won't, thank you.
Lloyd: You won't?
Selsdon: No, you all go ahead. I'll just sit and watch. This is the beer in the wardrobe, is it?
Belinda: No, my dear, he wants us to rehearse.
Selsdon: Yes, but I think we gotta rehearse, haven't we?
Lloyd: Rehearse! Yes, Selsdon. Well done. I knew you'd think of something.

Lloyd: I don't know what you're waiting for. Her eighteenth birthday?

Dotty: Am I in Spain? No I'm not in Spain, dear, I'm in agony, that's where I am.

Lloyd: And God said, "Where the Hell is Tim?" And there the Hell was Tim. And God said, "Let there be doors that open when they open, and close when they close."
Tim: Do something?
Lloyd: Doors.
Tim: I was getting the bananas for the sardines.
Lloyd: Doors.
Tim: Doors?
Lloyd: I bet God had a stage manager who understood English, too.

Belinda: Poor Lloyd. He'll choke on his Gummi Bears.

Lloyd: Nothing could have prepared us for the final horror: Cleveland.