Hugh: I find that as difficult to swallow as this potage au gelee.
Judy: How would you like to swallow one sandwich d'knuckles?
Judge Maxwell: You see this yellow pill?
Bailiff: Yes sir.
Judge Maxwell: You know what it's for?
Bailiff: What, Judge?
Judge Maxwell: To remind me to take this blue pill.
Bailiff: What's the blue one for, Judge?
Judge Maxwell: I don't know. They're afraid to tell me.
Howard: Eunice. Eunice. Eunice, please open the door, I have wonderful news.
Eunice: I do not want your apologies Howard. I think it is too late for that.
Howard: All right. No apologies.
Eunice: Have you no heart? I would have thought after all you have done you would come crawling for forgiveness.
Eunice: Since when have you taken bubble baths?
Howard: It came out of the faucet that way, Eunice.
Judy: Aw come-on, Steve, you don't want to marry Eunice.
Howard: I'm not Steve. I'm Howard.
Judy: Well neither of you wants to marry Eunice.
Howard: Why do you say that?
Judy: Because you don't want to marry someone who's gonna get all wrinkled, lined, and flabby.
Howard: Everybody gets wrinkled, lined, and flabby.
Judy: By next week?
Eunice: Now, tell me how you are going to introduce yourself.
Howard: What? Oh, well, I'll probably say something like "Hello there, Mr Larrabee. I'm Howard."
Eunice: You are not.
Howard: I am not Howard.
Eunice: You are not going to say "Hi, my name's Howard." Anyone could say that! Anyone.
Howard: Anyone named Howard.
Fritz: Don't touch his rocks.
Eunice: I'll take care of those.
Howard: Good morning.
Mr Kaltenborn: No, I don't think so. I'm Mr Kaltenborn, the manager of what's left of the hotel.
Howard: I'm sorry about all this whole mess here. Usually this doesn't happen.
Mr Kaltenborn: Dr Bannister, I have a message for you from the staff of the hotel.
Howard: What is it?
Mr Kaltenborn: Goodbye.
Howard: That's the entire message?
Mr Kaltenborn: We would appreciate it if you would check out.
Howard: When?
Mr Kaltenborn: Yesterday.
Howard: That soon?
Judy: I know I'm different, but from now on I'm going to try and be the same.
Howard: The same as what?
Judy: The same as people who aren't different.
Judy: Well, this last time was not my fault.
Howard: What happened?
Judy: Nothing, nothing, really. It was just a little classroom, it sort of burned down.
Howard: Burned down?
Judy: Well, blew up actually.
Howard: Political activism?
Judy: Chemistry major.
Howard: I see.
Howard: I am not repeating myself, I am not repeating myself... Oh God, I'm repeating myself.
Eunice: I'm not looking for romance, Howard.
Howard: Oh?
Eunice: No, I'm looking for something more important than that, something stronger. As the years go by, romance fades and something else takes its place. Do you know what that is?
Howard: Senility?
Eunice: Trust.
Howard: That's what I meant.
Eunice: Don't kick those rocks, you Philistine.
Howard: What are you doing? This is a one way street.
Judy: We're only going one way.
Fritz: You will enter Mrs. Van Hoskins' room, through the adjoining room and you will take the jewel case to the basement.
Harry: What if she wakes up and sees me?
Fritz: You will tell her you are smitten with her, that you have have followed her all night, and you will make passionate love to her.
Harry: Couldn't I just kill her?
Eunice: What is that?
Howard: It's a bath, Eunice. I was going to take a bath.
Eunice: Since when do you take bubble baths?
Howard: It came out of the faucet that way.
Judy: Yeah, you know Banister? As in "sliding down the-"?
Judy: Has anyone ever told you that you are very, very sexy?
Hugh: Well, actually no.
Judy: They never will.
Eunice: Why are your rocks in the bathroom?
Judy: Love means never having to say you're sorry.
Howard: That's the dumbest thing I ever heard.
