Roach: You know this "Hell on Earth" business? Big fucking deal - I've got hemmorhoids.
The Collector: Makes you feel good, do it!
Deputy Bob: Actually, sheriff, it was more like a tune-up and a lube job.
The Collector: Hi, anybody home? Come on out, everybody. Time to play. Hello?
The Collector: All right, I know what you're thinking. You give up your soul, you turn into a demon, you look like shit. Where's the payoff, right?
Uncle Willie: Jeryline you wouldn't hurt your old uncle will now would you baby.
Roach: Via con dios.
The Collector: And a via con diablos to you, too, sir.
Crypt Keeper: Fasten your drool cups, and ready your vomit bags! We're going to the movies! Frights, camera, action.
The Collector: Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are? I know that sounds like a line - Lord knows I've used it - but I mean it.
The Collector: Do me a favor? Don't scream. Just hear what I've gotta say... and then scream.
Cordelia: Are my sheets done yet?
Jeryline: They're downstairs. And I couldn't get all those stains out, either.
Cordelia: Damn guacamole.