Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: Arugula. I haven't had arugula in six weeks.
Supermarket Manager: What's that?
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: It's a vegetable.
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: The shoes, right? The shoes are tragic.
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: Ehh, she's not my type. I like 'em... I dunno, kinda dirty or something.
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: Are you trying to say capeesh?
Barney: Yeah.
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: Well don't do it, cause it hurts my ears when you do it.
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: I am the worst case scenario of Thomas Jefferson's dream.
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: Richie loved to use 22s because the bullets are small and they don't come out the other end like a 45, see, a 45 will blow a barn door out the back of your head and there's a lot of dry cleaning involved, but a 22 will just rattle around like Pac-Man until you're dead.
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: 5 o'clock Christmas morning, I run downstairs and look under the tree and what do I find? Uncle Alfresco, dead on the floor, shot through the back of the head. Plus no bicycle. It was a disappointing Christmas on many levels.
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: It's not tipping I believe in. It's overtipping.
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: When did your wife leave?
Barney: October.
Vince: That's when my wife left! What is it about the month of October?
Barney: I dunno. The pressure of Halloween? You never know what to go as.
Dr. Margaret Snow Coopersmith: Barney, look at the way you eat pancakes.
Wally Bunting: How does he eat pancakes?
Dr. Margaret Snow Coopersmith: He has a system for eating pancakes.
Barney Coopersmith: So the bottom pancake gets the same amount of syrup as the first.
Dr. Margaret Snow Coopersmith: He has a system for everything.
Clerk at Supermarket: Hello sir, would you like to try a vanilla-bran oat crunchy?
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: What do you think?
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: What a day for a mow eh?
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: You dirty rat.
Billy Sparrow: Snitch.
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: Stool pigeon.
Billy Sparrow: Informer.
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: Squealer.
Billy Sparrow: You dirty rat.
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: I already said you dirty rat.
Billy Sparrow: Yeah, but I say it better.
Barney: The Padres play the Mets every so often, though you folks would probably be Yankees fans. It's been my experience that most organized crime people are.
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: I love the Yankees, Linda loves the Yankees, so does Terry.
Linda: Who's Terry?
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: You are.
