Max Fischer: War does funny things to men.
Dirk Calloway: I know about you and the teacher.
Herman Blume: Never in my wildest imagination did I ever dream I would have sons like these.
Herman Blume: She's my Rushmore.
Max Fischer: I know. She was mine too.
Max Fischer: What do you call getting a handjob from Mrs. Calloway in the back of her Jaguar?
Magnus Buchan: A fucking lie.
Max Fischer: You think I got kicked out because of just the aquarium? Nah, it was the handjob. And you know what else? It was worth it.
Herman Blume: Come work for me.
Max Fischer: What do you mean?
Herman Blume: I mean I-I could use someone like you.
Max Fischer: Look, I may not be rich, Mr. Blume, my father may only be a doctor, but we manage.
Rosemary Cross: Well, you pulled it off.
Max Fischer: Yeah, it went okay. At least nobody got hurt.
Rosemary Cross: Except you.
Max Fischer: Your mind's as warped as your ear, Magnus.
Magnus Buchan: Don't Get Nasty, Brother.
Max Fischer: The truth is, neither one of us has the slightest idea where this relationship is going. We can't predict the future.
Rosemary Cross: We don't have a relationship.
Max Fischer: But we're friends.
Rosemary Cross: Yes, and that's all we're going to be. Well, yes.
Max Fischer: That's all I meant by "relationship." You want me to grab a dictionary?
Max Fischer: So you were in Vietnam?
Herman Blume: Yeah.
Max Fischer: Were you in the shit?
Herman Blume: Yeah, I was in the shit.
Herman Blume: Why did you ask me to come here?
Max Fischer: Oh, I was going to drop that tree on you.
Herman Blume: That big one?
Max Fischer: Yeah.
Herman Blume: It would've flattened me like a pancake.
Herman Blume: What's the secret, Max?
Max Fischer: The secret?
Herman Blume: Yeah, you seem to have it pretty figured out.
Max Fischer: The secret, I don't know... I guess you've just gotta find something you love to do and then... do it for the rest of your life. For me, it's going to Rushmore.
Max Fischer: I saved Latin. What did you ever do?
Herman Blume: What's his name again?
Dr. Nelson Guggenheim: Max Fischer.
Herman Blume: Sharp little guy.
Dr. Nelson Guggenheim: He's one of the worst students we've got.
Dr. Peter Flynn: I didn't know we were going to dinner.
Max Fischer: Well, that's because you weren't invited.
Ernie: What kind of fish?
Max Fischer: Barracuda, stingrays, electric eels, trout, hammerheads, piranha, giant squid, octopi.
Herman Blume: Piranhas? Really?
Max Fischer: Yes, I'm talking to a guy in South America.
Max Fischer: My top schools where I want to apply to are Oxford and the Sorbonne. My safety's Harvard.
Herman Blume: You guys have it real easy. I never had it like this where I grew up. But I send my kids here because the fact is you go to one of the best schools in the country: Rushmore. Now, for some of you it doesn't matter. You were born rich and you're going to stay rich. But here's my advice to the rest of you: Take dead aim on the rich boys. Get them in the crosshairs and take them down. Just remember, they can buy anything but they can't buy backbone. Don't let them forget it. Thank you.
Rosemary Cross: Do you think we're going to have sex?
Max Fischer: That's a kinda cheap way to put it.
Rosemary Cross: Not if you've ever fucked before, it isn't.
Backgammon Player: Did you hear they're teaching Japanese next year?
Max Fischer: That's the rumor.
Backgammon Player: And they're canceling Latin.
Max Fischer: What? I tried to get Latin canceled for five years! It's a dead language, I always say.
Backgammon Player: Well, I guess they finally heard you.
