Herman Blume: What's his name again?
Dr. Nelson Guggenheim: Max Fischer.
Herman Blume: Sharp little guy.
Dr. Nelson Guggenheim: He's one of the worst students we've got.
Rosemary Cross: Do you think we're going to have sex?
Max Fischer: That's a kinda cheap way to put it.
Rosemary Cross: Not if you've ever fucked before, it isn't.
Herman Blume: She's my Rushmore.
Max Fischer: I know. She was mine too.
Dr. Peter Flynn: I didn't know we were going to dinner.
Max Fischer: Well, that's because you weren't invited.
Margaret Yang: You're a real jerk to me, you know that?
Max Fischer: I'm sorry, Margaret.
Margaret Yang: Well anyway, nice to see you.
Max Fischer: What do you call getting a handjob from Mrs. Calloway in the back of her Jaguar?
Magnus Buchan: A fucking lie.
Max Fischer: You think I got kicked out because of just the aquarium? Nah, it was the handjob. And you know what else? It was worth it.
Herman Blume: She's sweet, but she's fucked-up.
Ernie: What kind of fish?
Max Fischer: Barracuda, stingrays, electric eels, trout, hammerheads, piranha, giant squid, octopi.
Herman Blume: Piranhas? Really?
Max Fischer: Yes, I'm talking to a guy in South America.
Max Fischer: Sic transit gloria. Glory fades. I'm Max Fischer.
Rosemary Cross: Hi.
Max Fischer: Hi.
Herman Blume: Come work for me.
Max Fischer: What do you mean?
Herman Blume: I mean I-I could use someone like you.
Max Fischer: Look, I may not be rich, Mr. Blume, my father may only be a doctor, but we manage.
Backgammon Player: Did you hear they're teaching Japanese next year?
Max Fischer: That's the rumor.
Backgammon Player: And they're canceling Latin.
Max Fischer: What? I tried to get Latin canceled for five years! It's a dead language, I always say.
Backgammon Player: Well, I guess they finally heard you.
Max Fischer: My top schools where I want to apply to are Oxford and the Sorbonne. My safety's Harvard.
Max Fischer: Thay are going to cancel Latin. They've got to make room for Japanese.
Rosemary Cross: Well that's a shame because all the Romance languages are based on Latin.
Max Fischer: Yeah, they are, aren't they.
Rosemary Cross: Nihilo sanctum estne?
Max Fischer: What's that? Oh, it's Latin. What does that mean?
Rosemary Cross: Is nothing sacred?
Rosemary Cross: Well, you pulled it off.
Max Fischer: Yeah, it went okay. At least nobody got hurt.
Rosemary Cross: Except you.
Herman Blume: What does Guggenheim say?
Max Fischer: Nothing. I felt I should go to you first.
Herman Blume: Why?
Max Fischer: Because at this moment I feel our best strategy is to keep a low profile. The more preparation I can do, the stronger our case will be when we go to the administration.
Herman Blume: How much do you want?
Max Fischer: $35.000 for the initial plans.
Herman Blume: I'll give you $2500.
Herman Blume: You guys have it real easy. I never had it like this where I grew up. But I send my kids here because the fact is you go to one of the best schools in the country: Rushmore. Now, for some of you it doesn't matter. You were born rich and you're going to stay rich. But here's my advice to the rest of you: Take dead aim on the rich boys. Get them in the crosshairs and take them down. Just remember, they can buy anything but they can't buy backbone. Don't let them forget it. Thank you.
Dr. Nelson Guggenheim: It's Fischer.
Max Fischer: Your mind's as warped as your ear, Magnus.
Magnus Buchan: Don't Get Nasty, Brother.
Mr. Littlejeans: Best play ever, man.
Rosemary Cross: I'll show you the door.
Max Fischer: I'll just go back out the window.
