Albert Kreischer: I think I liked that story better when I thought it was a lie.
Irina: Did I do that?
Bert: Oh my God I'm inside him. He's so warm.
Bert: We should get a bunch of kid sized real-dolls on this set. I always wanted to see what being a pedophile felt like... never-mind I already do!
Alexei: So you can fight?
Bert: I went to Florida State. All we know how to do is fight fuck and drink.
Bert: Use this drug energy for good. Like Charlie Sheen.
Albert Kreischer: He's the motherfucking machine.
