Being John Malkovich
Movie Quote Quiz

Charlie: Hot lesbian witches! It's fucking genius.

Lotte Schwartz: I think it's kinda sexy that John Malkovich has a portal, y'know, sort of like, it's like, like he has a vagina. It's sort of vaginal, y'know, like he has a, he has a penis and a vagina. I mean, it's sort of like... Malkovich's... feminine side. I like that.

Craig Schwartz (in John Malkovich): You see, Maxine, it isn't just playing with dolls.
Maxine: You're right, my darling, it's so much more. It's playing with people.

Craig Schwartz: Nobody's looking for a puppeteer in today's wintry economic climate.

Maxine: Meet you in Malkovich in one hour.

Maxine: Craig, I don't find you attractive, but Lotte, I'm smitten with you. I am... but only when you're in Malkovich. When I was with him last night, I was looking into his eyes and could sense your feminine longing.

Craig Schwartz: I was thinking about what you were saying the other day, about the orientation film being bullshit.
Maxine: Yes?
Craig Schwartz: I think maybe you're on to something.
Maxine: And fifty other lines to get into a girl's pants.

John Malkovich: The weird thing is, this Maxine likes to call me "Lotte."
Charlie: Ouch. That is hot. Maybe she's using you to channel some dead lesbian lover. Sounds like my kind of gal. Let me know when you're done with her, yeah?
John Malkovich: What are you talking about, "Done with her", man? Tonight really freaked me out.

First J.M. Inc. Customer: Now when you say that I can be somebody else, whaddya mean exactly?
Craig Schwartz: Well, we mean exactly that. We can put you inside someone else's body, for fifteen minutes.
First J.M. Inc. Customer: Can I be anybody that I wanna be?
Craig Schwartz: Well, you... actually.
Maxine: You can be John Malkovich.
First J.M. Inc. Customer: Perfect! It's... my... second choice, but it's wonderful. I'm a fat man. I'm sad and I.
Maxine: Two hundred dollars.

Maxine: Here's the thing: If you ever get me, you wouldn't have a clue what to do with me.

John Malkovich: I have seen a world that no man should see.
Craig Schwartz: Really? Because for most people it's a rather enjoyable experience.

John Malkovich: Ma-Sheen.
Charlie: Malcatraz.

Dr. Lester: I've been very lonely in my isolated tower of indecipherable speech.

Maxine: Have you ever had two people look at you, with complete lust and devotion, through the same pair of eyes?

Charlie: You're nuts to let a girl go that calls you Lotte, I tell you that as a friend.

Dr. Lester: Floris, get Guinness on the phone.
Floris: Right away, Dr. Lester. Genghis Khan Capone.

Lotte Schwartz: Suck my dick.

Dr. Lester: My spunk is to you manna from heaven.

Dr. Lester: Don't toy with Floris, Schwartz.
Craig Schwartz: Oh, no.
Dr. Lester: If I was 80 years younger, I'd box your ears.
Craig Schwartz: I wasn't toying with her sir, I wouldn't - pardon me, how old are you, sir?
Dr. Lester: 105. Carrot juice, lots of it. I swear, sometimes it's not worth it. I piss orange. I have to piss sitting down like a goddamn girlie-girl every fifteen minutes.

Craig Schwartz (in John Malkovich): There is truth, and there are lies, and art always tells the truth. Even when it's lying.

Continuity mistake: When Craig first discovers the portal door his crouching position changes slightly between the camera shot inside the tunnel and that from the office, and again when he closes the office door and goes back to the portal door.

Paul Andrews
More mistakes in Being John MalkovichMore movie quotes

Join the mailing list

Separate from membership, this is to get updates about mistakes in recent releases. Addresses are not passed on to any third party, and are used solely for direct communication from this site. You can unsubscribe at any time.

Check out the mistake & trivia books, on Kindle and in paperback.