Being John Malkovich
Movie Quote Quiz

John Malkovich: Ma-Sheen.
Charlie: Malcatraz.

Craig Schwartz: Nobody's looking for a puppeteer in today's wintry economic climate.

Charlie: You're nuts to let a girl go that calls you Lotte, I tell you that as a friend.

Craig Schwartz: I was thinking about what you were saying the other day, about the orientation film being bullshit.
Maxine: Yes?
Craig Schwartz: I think maybe you're on to something.
Maxine: And fifty other lines to get into a girl's pants.

Dr. Lester: My spunk is to you manna from heaven.

John Malkovich: I have seen a world that no man should see.
Craig Schwartz: Really? Because for most people it's a rather enjoyable experience.

Dr. Lester: Any questions?
Craig Schwartz: Just one. Why are these ceilings so low?
Dr. Lester: Low overhead, my boy - we pass the savings on to you! But seriously, that'll all be covered in the orientation.

Maxine: Have you ever had two people look at you, with complete lust and devotion, through the same pair of eyes?

Craig Schwartz: I've fallen in love, and this is what people who've fallen in love look like.
Maxine: Well, you picked the unrequited variety. It's very bad for the skin.

Lotte Schwartz: Suck my dick.

Craig Schwartz (in John Malkovich): You see, Maxine, it isn't just playing with dolls.
Maxine: You're right, my darling, it's so much more. It's playing with people.

Maxine: Here's the thing: If you ever get me, you wouldn't have a clue what to do with me.

Craig Schwartz (in John Malkovich): There is truth, and there are lies, and art always tells the truth. Even when it's lying.

Maxine: Craig, I don't find you attractive, but Lotte, I'm smitten with you. I am... but only when you're in Malkovich. When I was with him last night, I was looking into his eyes and could sense your feminine longing.

Dr. Lester: I've been very lonely in my isolated tower of indecipherable speech.

Lotte Schwartz: We love her, Craig.
Craig Schwartz: We?
Lotte Schwartz: John and me.
Craig Schwartz: Don't forget about me.
Lotte Schwartz: Well you have a Maxine action figure to play with.

First J.M. Inc. Customer: Now when you say that I can be somebody else, whaddya mean exactly?
Craig Schwartz: Well, we mean exactly that. We can put you inside someone else's body, for fifteen minutes.
First J.M. Inc. Customer: Can I be anybody that I wanna be?
Craig Schwartz: Well, you... actually.
Maxine: You can be John Malkovich.
First J.M. Inc. Customer: Perfect! It's... my... second choice, but it's wonderful. I'm a fat man. I'm sad and I.
Maxine: Two hundred dollars.

Dr. Lester: Floris, get Guinness on the phone.
Floris: Right away, Dr. Lester. Genghis Khan Capone.

Lotte Schwartz: I think it's kinda sexy that John Malkovich has a portal, y'know, sort of like, it's like, like he has a vagina. It's sort of vaginal, y'know, like he has a, he has a penis and a vagina. I mean, it's sort of like... Malkovich's... feminine side. I like that.

Dr. Lester: Don't toy with Floris, Schwartz.
Craig Schwartz: Oh, no.
Dr. Lester: If I was 80 years younger, I'd box your ears.
Craig Schwartz: I wasn't toying with her sir, I wouldn't - pardon me, how old are you, sir?
Dr. Lester: 105. Carrot juice, lots of it. I swear, sometimes it's not worth it. I piss orange. I have to piss sitting down like a goddamn girlie-girl every fifteen minutes.

Continuity mistake: When Craig first discovers the portal door his crouching position changes slightly between the camera shot inside the tunnel and that from the office, and again when he closes the office door and goes back to the portal door.

Paul Andrews
More mistakes in Being John Malkovich

Question: Is Charlie Sheen playing himself, or is he just playing a character called Charlie?

Answer: He's playing himself.

Bishop73
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