Elliot Richards: But it's my soul! I can't give you my soul.
The Devil: What are you, James Brown?
Elliot Richards: You can't give sick people 'tic tacs!'.
The Devil: Sick people have notoriously bad breath, I'm performing a public service here.
Elliot Richards: Oh, yeah. You've been a really big help so far.
The Devil: I know. I've been really naughty, haven't I? Maybe a good spanking's in order?
Elliot Richards: Is that all you ever think about? Do you think everything is about sex?
The Devil: No, of course not! I mean, there's greed, gluttony, sloth, anger, vanity, envy.
Elliot Richards: This is breaking and entering.
The Devil: I know! It's fun, isn't it?
Elliot Richards: Damn the Devil! Damn the Devil to Hell.
The Devil: Do you think your mommy and daddy just made me up so you'd be a good boy?
Alison Gardner: Don't you think that secular humanism is yummy?
The Devil: How would you like to make one simple decision that'll change your life forever?
Elliot Richards: Ok, I'm glad scientology works for you but.
Elliot Richards: Maybe I should call you a cab... Although it's gonna be hard to find one that'll go to Hell this time of night.
The Devil: OOOOOOh. What a delightfully piquant wit.
Dr. Ngegitigegitibaba: It's already won the Poo-litzer Prize and it hasn't even been poo-blished, yet.
Elliot Richards: Well, like they say, Dr. Oingegedaydegegdeaybaba, a Pulitzer Prize and a$3.50 will get you a café latte.
The Devil: I am the Devil! Satan, Lucifer, Beelzebub, the Prince of Darkness! Well, the Princ-ess of Darkness, anyway.
Elliot Richards: I'm starting to think that women don't really know what they want.
The Devil: Amen.