22 Jump Street (2014)

Jenko: I'm your best nightm... I'm your worst nightmare.

Deputy Chief Hardy: Do the same thing as last time. Everyone's happy.

Jenko: Fuck you, doves.

Schmidt: There's a grenade in my shorts, can you reach it? Go in from underneath!
Jenko: Oh, shit! Is that it?
Schmidt: No, that's my dick!
Jenko: What about that?
Schmidt: That's my dick also!
Jenko: Why is it hard?
Schmidt: I'm so full of adrenalin right now.

Mercedes: This is so boring. No one's getting shot. [One of her bodyguards gets shot.] Oh my God! Did you just get shot? Like, right after I fucking said that?

Captain Dickson: We Jump Street, and we 'bout to jump in yo ass.
Jenko: Mmmm-hmmm.
Schmidt: Right in the crack.

Deputy Chief Hardy: The Koreans bought the church back, so we had to move across the street... To 22 Jump Street.

Captain Dickson: Hey, you two stop dicking around!
Captain Dickson: Congratulations, you managed to un-fuck a situation you originally already fucked up!
Schmidt: Thanks.
Captain Dickson: I wish I could have you un-fuck my daughter but I'll let that be in the past. Now you two, for your next mission, you two sons of bitches going to medical school!
Jenko: What?

Schmidt: He has one class in Human Sexuality, and now he's Harvey Milk.

Schmidt: He's black! He's been through a lot!

Jenko: Oh, hey, look, there's Korean Jesus.
Captain Dickson: It's Vietnamese Jesus now, you racist motherfucker.

Captain Dickson: This is bullshit! Waiter, can a black man get some water?
Schmidt: Someone get the fucking man some water. He's black, he's been through a lot.