Parnell Emmett McCarthy: Did you give the lieutenant the Well-Known Lecture?
Paul Biegler: If you mean, did I coach him into a phony story, no.
Parnell Emmett McCarthy: Maybe you're too pure, Paul. Too pure for the natural impurities of the law.
Paul Biegler: If you do that one more time, I'll punch you all the way out into the middle of Lake Superior.
Paul Biegler: Look, Laura, believe me, I don't usually complain of an attractive jiggle, but just you save that jiggle for your husband to look at, if and when I get him out of jail.
Judge Weaver: Now, Mr. Dancer, get off the panties. You've done enough damage.
Parnell Emmett McCarthy: Gin... I knew there was something wrong with that guy. I never met a gin drinker yet that you could trust.
Parnell Emmett McCarthy: You know I used to think the world looked better through a glass of whiskey. It doesn't. I think I'll keep it this way. Looks nice.
Parnell Emmett McCarthy: The lieutenant goes to Quill's place and plugs Mr. Quill about five times, which causes Mr. Quill to promptly die of lead poisoning.
Deputy Sheriff Sulo: I didn't hear them myself. There were tourists from Ohio in the park and they heard them and told me about it the next day.
Mitch Lodwick: Your honour! This testimony is incompetent, hearsay, irrelevant, immaterial, inconclusive.
Paul Biegler: Well, that's too much for me. The witness is yours, Mr. Lodwick.
Judge Weaver: One judge is quite like another. The only differences may be in the state of their digestions or their proclivities for sleeping on the bench. For myself, I can digest pig iron. And while I might appear to doze occasionally, you will find that I am easily awakened, particularly if shaken gently by a good lawyer with a nice point of law.
Maida Rutledge: If this refrigerator gets any more fish in it, it will swim upstream and spawn all by itself.
Paul Biegler: She's a very pretty woman, your wife,.
Lt. Frederick Manion: A man gets used to the ways his wife looks.
Paul Biegler: Yeah, I can see that.
