Jasper Blubber: And what is the charge, may I ask?
Lieutenant DiMaggio: The murder of Floyd Merkle and five unimportant people.
Professor Bruckner: He was nothing but a sadist, really.
Ezra Lieberman: A sadist with an M.D. and a Ph.D.
Professor Bruckner: Well, some people would say the perfect definition of a scientist.
Emile Prevert: Why me? You could have Tom, Dick or Harry.
Emmannuelle Prevert: I don't want Tom or Harry.
Jake - voice: My name is Zunar J 5 Slash 9 Doric 4 7.
Frank: Uh, Z-Zunar.
Jake - voice: ...Let's just stick with 'Jake', okay?
Maggie McKeown: That guard is still out there.
Paul Grogan: Fine, I need you to distract him.
Maggie McKeown: What for?
Paul Grogan: So I can get away.
Maggie McKeown: So you can get away? What about me?
Paul Grogan: Well suit yourself. Just come onto him, tell him what an admirer you are of Army or something like that.
Maggie McKeown: What if he's gay?
Paul Grogan: Then I'll go and distract him.
Simone Legree: But I saw your funeral on TV.
Clouseau: Yes, even the Poop was there, you know?
Billy Lo: You lose Carl Miller.
Brad Crane: Are you endowing these bees with human motives? Like saving their fellow bees from captivity, or seeking revenge on Mankind?
General Thalius Slater: I always credit my enemy, no matter what he may be, with equal intelligence.
Joe Pendleton: We don't care how much it costs, just how much it makes. If it costs too much, we charge a penny more. Would you pay a penny to save a fish who thinks?
Tony Carlson: I think we got off on the wrong foot.
Gloria Mundy: Yes, and it seems to be in your mouth.
Tony Carlson: OK, I deserve that. Listen, it's Gloria, right? You're a really nice girl and I'm a nice guy, and you're very pretty with or without cleavage, and what do you say... would you like to take a shower?
Gloria Mundy: I don't pick up strange men.
Tony Carlson: Well, that's your problem.
Gloria Mundy: So why don't you try it?