Vicky: You know, maybe we shouldn't drink while the kids live here.
Dave: Come on, Vicky, we drink because the kids live here.
Dave: When I was a kid growing up, my father's philosophy was "Do as I say, not as I do." Well, when I became a parent, I swore I would do better with my kids. So my philosophy is, "Do as I say - not as I hope you don't know I do."
Dave: There's only one simple rule for dating my teenage daughter - she sees your penis, I'll cut it off.
Dave: Where you been?
Vicky: Oh, I was just talking to Hillary.
Dave: All this time?
Vicky: Yeah.
Dave: How long does it take her to roll her eyes and tell you to get the hell out of her room?
Dave: What happened to our stash?
Vicky: Our stash? Since when do we have a stash?
Dave: You know.
Vicky: No. I thought we decided to be more responsible, and you were gonna get rid of the pot.
Dave: I am getting rid of it. Little by little.
