Brenda Patimkin: Look, I'm not gonna take the pills, and that's the end of it. In the first place, you don't just take the pills: you have to start taking them at a specific time.
Neil Klugman: You get a diaphragm.
Quotes from Richard Benjamin movies and TV shows
Ben Patimkin: Let me tell ya somethin'. In the real world you need a little gonif in ya. You know what that means: gonif?
Neil Klugman: Thief.
Brenda Patimkin: Are you serious?
Neil Klugman: I'm way the hell past serious: I'm suicidal.
Albert: Louise, I swear to you there is no money. If you only knew what was going on in that hospital. It's not only the IRS, I'm in deep financial trouble, and I need you to hold me, to hug me, to kiss me, to reassure me that everything isn't as hopeless as it looks.
Louise: The only thing that is hopeless, Albert is that you're horny 24 hours a day.
Ben Clark: I'm getting chest pains. You give me chest pains.
Willy Clark: It's my fault you get excited?
Ben Clark: Yes! I only get chest pains on Wednesdays.
Willy Clark: So come Tuesdays.
Ben Clark: You're not supposed to eat pickles. It's high sodium.
Willy Clark: I spit out the sodium.
Miss Carrie: Well, you come to the right place. There's plenty of fun here. That's Cindy and Arlette. Arlette's from Paris. Perhaps you gentlemen are taking a liking to 'em?
John Blane: Perhaps.
Miss Carrie: They're real accommodating.
John Blane: They eh, they look it.
Miss Carrie: Why don't you just go on upstairs and we'll reckon accounts later.
John Blane: Sounds good to me.
Peter Martin: John, are those two girls machines?
John Blane: Now, how can you say a thing like that. Come on.
Peter Martin: John.
John Blane: Yeah?
Peter Martin: This place is fun.