Archie: Your brother didn't bring you here this time, did he?
Wanda: No.
Archie: He's no idea?
Wanda: He doesn't have a clue.
Archie: What?
Wanda: He's so dumb.
Archie: Really?
Wanda: He thought that the Gettysburg Address was where Lincoln lived.
Quotes from John Cleese movies and TV shows - page 2 of 2
Maitre d': And finally, a wafer thin mint.
Maitre d': Good evening sir and how are we today?
Mr. Creosote: Better.
Maitre d': Better?
Mr. Creosote: Better get a bucket. I'm gonna throw up.
Grim Reaper: Shut up, you American. You Americans, all you do is talk, and talk, and say "let me tell you something" and "I just wanna say." Well, you're dead now, so shut up.
Grim Reaper: You are all dead. I am Death.
Host: Well, that's cast rather a gloom over the evening, hasn't it?
Grim Reaper: Englishmen, you're all so fucking pompous. None of you have got any balls.
French Soldier: Ah don' wanna talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food-trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!
Sir Galahad: Well, is there someone else up there we could talk to?
French Soldier: No! Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time!
Jewish Official: All right, no one is to stone ANYONE until I blow this whistle! Even... And let me make this absolutely clear... Even if they do say "Jehovah"!
Brian: I'm not the Messiah! Will you please listen? I am not the Messiah, do you understand? Honest!
Girl: Only the true Messiah denies His divinity!
Brian: What? Well, what sort of chance does that give me? All right, I AM the Messiah!
Followers: He is! He is the Messiah!
Brian: Now, fuck off!
Arthur: Er, how shall we fuck off, O Lord?
Brian: Excuse me. Are you the Judean People's Front?
Reg: Fuck off! We're the People's Front of Judea.
Brian: I am NOT the Messiah!
Arthur: I say you are Lord, and I should know. I've followed a few.
Narrator: As the others searched for a tail, Pooh realised that a pine cone would not win him the honey.
Pooh: Why not?
Narrator: Because it would have to be something special.
Pooh: Oh. Special, you say. Special. Think, think, think.
Narrator: No hurry, Pooh. Just take your time.
Pooh: Take my time. What a wonderful idea.