Captain Dickson: You are here because you some Justin Beaver, Molly Cyrus lookin' motherfuckers. You will be going in as undercover high school students.
Captain Dickson: Do you even know the Miranda rights?
Jenko: It obviously starts with... You have the right to... Remain an attorney...
Captain Dickson: Did you just say you have the right to be an attorney?
Schmidt: Well, you do have the right to be an attorney if you want to.
Bucum: Punk-ass Mini-Me.
Bucum: Bling, bling, motherfucker.
Bucum: Now I believe you about the missing wallet, but the lotto, Uh-uh.
Bucum: There's a whole lotta money out there. All I gotta do is put my name on it.
Nick Persons: You're the local real estate guy.
Chuck Mitchell, Jr.: I'm also the local contractor.
Chuck Mitchell, Jr.: You've got dry rot.
Nick Persons: Dry what?
Nick Persons: You need to get some fresh air and a few open spaces.
Suzanne Persons: I think I'm gonna be sick right now.
Nick Persons: Hey man, I'm right here.
Nick Persons: We'll take it.
Nick Persons: I can do the fixing.
Nick Persons: What is wrong with you kids?
Nick Persons: Come on, you're driving like a old lady.
Ernst: No, no, you watch. Ernst knows how to drive.
Nick Persons: Kiss my 330 cubic inches of V8 power, sucker.
Nick Persons: Oh Damn! Boy Didn't you hear what I just said?
Lindsey Kingston: Ooh, you just swore.
Nick Persons: Your damn right I swore, that's about $400 dollars worth of damage to my new car.
Lindsey Kingston: That's twice! Now you have to put two dollars in the swear jar.
Durell: Promise me somethin. Promise me you'll be better than me.
Durell Jr.: OK. You promise me somethin. Promise me you won't let mom take me to Atlanta. Please.
Strickland: I can't wait to fuck you up.
Strickland: Fuck the police.
