Quotes from George Segal movies and TV shows

Jane Harper: What kind of lunatic spends $1000 on lunch when he's out of a job and deeply in debt?
Dick Harper: The kind that knows you can't get a job if you look like a loser.
Jane Harper: If I was Diners Club, I'd your stomach bronzed and put it in the Hall of Fame.

Jane Harper: Interesting that the only two jobs you think I am qualified for are a secretary and a prostitute.
Dick Harper: You're not qualified to be a secretary.

Mollie: My doctor says my breathing's fine.
Albert: You have to do what's best for the baby. When Beth was pregnant.
Mollie: Oh I am so sick of hearing about Beth! Beth Beth Beth Beth! I'm having a hard time figuring out how you could be in love with her and then in love with someone like me. When I found out I was pregnant, I decided to make out a will, when Beth had the girls she got a reading of their past lives.

Albert: He has my eyes.
Mollie: I know he does. You don't know how confusing it is when someone you love so much looks like someone you hate.

Albert: I've raised my kids.
Mollie: Raised them? They're 11 and 9. Don't tell me they've moved out and gotten jobs already.

Fran: Harry?
Harry Calder: Mmh?
Fran: If you're trying to kill us, at least let me put on some lip gloss.

Nick: Who did the painting?
George: Some Greek with a moustache that Martha attacked one night.

Nick: I'm tired, I've been drinking since nine o'clock, my wife is vomiting, there's been a lot of screaming going on around here.

Nick: May I use the... uh... bar?
George: Oh, yes... yes... by all means. Drink away... you'll need it as the years go on.

Nick: You're gonna' regret this.
George: No doubt. I regret everything.
Nick: No, no, I mean I'm gonna' make you regret this.
George: Go clean up the mess.
Nick: You just wait, mister.

Nick: Who did the painting?
George: Some Greek with a mustache Martha attacked one night.
Nick: It's got a.
George: Quiet intensity?
Nick: Well, no, a.
George: Well then, a certain noisy relaxed quality maybe?
Nick: No, what I meant was.
George: How about a quietly noisy relaxed intensity?