Alan Partridge: You're like a big Geordie Anne Frank.
Officer: Do you suffer from any nervous conditions, such as panic attacks?
Alan: Do I look like I suffer from panic attacks? I've had one panic attack, in a car wash. It was a perfect storm of no sleep, no wife, and angry brushes whirring towards me. By the time the giant hair dryer came on I was in the footwell.
Alan: She's a drunk racist. I'll tolerate one but not both.
