Harry Block: You're air-conditioned here?
The Devil: Sure! Fucks up the ozone layer.
Doris: You're a self-hating jew.
Harry Block: Hey, I may hate myself but not 'cause I'm jewish.
Harry Block: Tradition is the illusion of permanence.
Doris: You have no values. Your whole life, it's nihilism, it's cynicism, it's sarcasm and your orgasm.
Harry Block: You know in France, I could run on that slogan and win.
Doris: It's tradition.
Harry Block: Tradition is the illusion of permanence.
Harry: Cookie, do you know what a black hole is?
Cookie: Sure, that's how I make my livin'.
Harry Block: The two most important things are the work that you choose and sex.
Harry Block: I'm a guy who can't function well in life but can in art.
Lucy: You schmuck, you bastard. I'd like to cut your fuckin' head off.
Harry Block: You're upset, right?
Harry Block: This guy is too old for her.
Richard: He's younger than you are.
Harry Block: Hey, I'm much too old for her, it's ridiculous. But, because of my immaturity I have a boyish quality that works.
Harry Block: Every hooker I ever speak to tells me that it beats the hell out of waitressing. Waitressing's gotta be the worst fucking job in the world.
Harry Block: Six shrinks later, three wives down the line, and I still can't get my life together.
Harry Block: And then, after their child was born, she became what he called "Jewish with a Vengeance."
Harry's Sister: You never forgave him because you thought he was a bad father.
Harry Block: He was.
Harry's Sister: Thanks for stopping by.
Joan: So now you're blaming me because I don't go out with you enough, to meet strangers to fuck.
Harry Block: Does the president think of fucking every woman he meets? Oh sorry, bad example.
Harry Block: Between air-conditioning and the Pope, I'll take air-conditioning.
Harry Block: Between air conditioning and the Pope, I chose air conditioning.
Harry: The ironic thing is that the school that kicked me out is honoring me soon.
Shrink: Why did they kick you out?
Harry: Because I wasn't interested in college. I wanted to be a writer and that's all I cared about. Also, I tried to give the Dean's wife an enema. They didn't take kindly to that.
Harry Block: Can I be honored and then arrested?
Harry Block: Look, I was merely explaining to you why my choice of necessity is confined to your practice.
