Indian Bartender: May those who love us, love us. And those who don't love us - may God turn their hearts. And if He cannot turn their hearts, may he turn their ankles, so that we may know them by their limping.
Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Whoah! Are you seriously telling me that unless you find a nice Jewish girl and settle down in the next six months they're not going to give you this job?
Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: I'm seriously telling you there has not been a bachelor head rabbi of B'Nei Ezra since the beginning of the synagogue.
Anna Riley: You don't understand. I have a relationship with my phone, we have a chemistry together, I can't explain it.
Indian Bartender: Um, let me get this straight. I am talking to a pries who went on a bender because his best friend, a rabbi, stole his girl.
Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Right.
Indian Bartender: Thank you. I want to thank you for telling me this story.
Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Why?
Indian Bartender: Because now I can retire.
Anna Riley: I read your sarin gas report. It was very powerful.
Rachel Rose: Thanks, I really earned my stripes with that piece.
Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: I earned my stripes by getting through a bris without fainting.