Claudia: Nobody means what they say on Thanksgiving, Mom. You know that. That's what the day's supposed to be all about, right? Torture.
Joanne: You're calling me a freak?
Tommy: No, I'm calling you a product of baboon lovin'. There's a distinction.
Tommy: Enough! You're a pain in my ass. You have bad hair. But I like you a lot.
Adele: Well, You know me. I can't change.
Tommy: Believe me, neither can I. Ma.
Adele: Even as a little boy, you didn't want us too close.
Adele: Come on. Where is everybody? People are starving in the former Yugoslavia.
Leo: Par, par, bogey, bogey, par, par.
Tommy: Well, that was absurd, let's eat dead bird.
Claudia: Didn't you have a girlfriend, or.
Russell 'Sad Sack' Terziak: Yeah, she went and married my best buddy Ray.
Adele: I'm giving thanks that we don't have to go through this for another year. Except we do, because those bastards went and put Christmas right in the middle, just to punish us.