Nick Naylor: How many deaths does alcohol cause each year, a hundred thousand? That's what, like twelve hundred a day? That's hardly a tragedy.
Nick Naylor: Whore!
Nick Naylor: So you guys aren't mad at me for calling us the M.O.D. Squad?
Bobby Jay Bliss: Actually the guys at the office liked it. We're having t-shirts made. I'll get you one.
Nick Naylor: The message Hollywood needs to send out is 'Smoking Is Cool!'.
Jeff Megall: Sony has a futuristic sci-fi movie they're looking to make.
Nick Naylor: Cigarettes in space?
Jeff Megall: It's the final frontier, Nick.
Nick Naylor: But wouldn't they blow up in an all oxygen environment?
Jeff Megall: Probably. But it's an easy fix. One line of dialogue. 'Thank God we invented the... You know, whatever device.'.
Nick Naylor: My job requires a certain... Moral flexibility.
Nick Naylor: You know the guy who can pick up any girl? I'm him on crack.
Nick Naylor: Don't forget, I'm his father, you're just the guy who fucks his mom.
Heather Holloway: My other interviews have pinned you as a mass murderer, blood sucker, pimp, profiteer and my personal favorite, yuppie mephistopheles.