Wally Cook: I used to love New York when it went ga-ga over some celebrity. It danced in the streets with a neon light around its heart. I'm getting fed up with its trick tears and phony lamentations over you.
Hazel Flagg: Be glad then for me. It makes everything all right in a way. What I mean is, I wouldn't want to feel I was really making all those people suffer.
Wally Cook: Say goodnight to Papa, now.
Hazel Flagg: Why? What are you gonna do?
Oliver Stone: I am sitting here, Mr. Cook, toying with the idea of removing your heart... and stuffing it like an olive!
Schoolteacher: Miss Flagg, I represent 100,000 young matrons. We switched a whole study course from the menace of Communism to the inspiration of Hazel Flagg.
Wally Cook: I got in touch with Oliver, er, Oliver Stone my editor. He's toe dancing in the street waiting for us.
Hazel Flagg: I hope he's nice like you.
Wally Cook: Well he's got a different quality of charm. He's sort of a cross between a ferris wheel and a werewolf. But with a lovable streak if you care to blast for it.
Hazel Flagg: You know, I don't, which I am: happy or miserable. I-I'm all mixed up.
Wally Cook: Listen, my dying swan, this is no time to stop faking! You're gonna have pneumonia and you're gonna have it good!
Dr. Enoch Downer: I brought you something. Raw eggs! Just what you need. The albumin counteracts the alcohol. Suck 'em right down. It'll settle your stomach. Go on! I got a whole dozen.
Hazel Flagg: Is this the way drunks feel?
Dr. Enoch Downer: Hazel, you've got what is known in medicine - as a hangover.
Hazel Flagg: I've got something worst than that. I've got a conscience. Oou!
Dr. Enoch Downer: Keep on suckin' that egg and your conscience will go away.
Opening Title Card: THIS IS NEW YORK - Skyscraper Champion of the World... where Slickers and Know-It-Alls peddle gold bricks to each other... and where Truth, crushed to earth rises again more phony than a glass eye.
Oliver Stone: Before I finish with that female Dracula, she'll know one thing: that Oliver Stone is worse than radium poisoning four ways from the jack!
Hazel Flagg: It's kind of startling to be brought to life twice - and each time in Warsaw!
Hazel Flagg: I don't suppose newspaper men marry - as a rule.
Wally Cook: Not after 14 or 15. That's the dangerous age for the journalist. His ideals are not yet formed and he falls easy prey to elderly waitresses.
Hazel Flagg: Oh, Enoch, why did you let me come to New York? If you were only as honest as you look.
Hazel Flagg: Oh, darling, I'd love to sit with you in here for the rest of my life.
Oliver Stone: Pneumonia... It's the finger of God if it's true.
Wally Cook: Take that ice pack off your head and fight.
Hazel Flagg: No, no. What's the use? Why fool them any longer?
Wally Cook: Because I love you. Because I'm going to marry you and I don't want to spend my honeymoon hanging around Sing Sing blowing kisses to you in the exercise yard! Come on, stop dogging! You've got to be bathed in perspiration!
Dr. Enoch Downer: Take your stockings off!
Hazel Flagg: You're the doctor, take 'em off yourself.
Oliver Stone: Read that! Rub your nose in it. That's Hazel Flagg - the biggest fake in the century. A lying, faking witch with the soul of a eel and the brain of a tarantula!
Hazel Flagg: Oh Wallace, don't you think you ought to notify 'em that you located me?
Wally Cook: Oh, the fresh air'll do 'em good.
Wally Cook: New York is gonna lay it's heart at your feet, while the whistles blow, the bands play and the cameras grind.
