Lawanda Dumore: I hate children. They ruin everything. If I had enough power, I'd wipe them off the face of the earth.
Commissioner Brumford: [On phone.] Hello? He did what? How many animals escaped? Oh, my god.
Frank: Hello, Commissioner. You're looking lovely this evening.
Commissioner Brumford: Do you realize that because of you this city is being overrun by baboons?
Frank: Well, isn't that the fault of the voters?
Ninny Threadgoode: Hey Evelyn, somebody stole my house.
Frank Pesce Jr.: I wanna do something I never did before.
Frank Pesce Sr.: Oh really, then why don't you go upstairs and clean your fucking room.
Mitch Robbins: Hey you know, the first time I tried to talk to you, you embarrassed me. So I teased you a little bit which maybe I shouldn't have done, so I'm sorry. And now you're sitting over there playing with your knife, trying to frighten me - which you're doing a good job. But if you're gonna kill me, get on with it; if not, shut the hell up - I'm on vacation.
Topper Harley: My father used to say that not playing to win is like sleeping with your sister. Sure she's a great piece of tail, with a blouse full of goodies, but... It's just illegal. Then you get into that whole inbred thing. Kids with no teeth who do nothing but play the banjo... Eat apple sauce through a straw... Pork farm animals.
Pugsley: Are they dead?
Wednesday: Does it matter?
Thomas J. Sennett: Vada?
Vada Sultenfuss: Yeah?
Thomas J. Sennett: Would you think of me?
Vada Sultenfuss: For what?
Thomas J. Sennett: Well, if you don't get to marry Mr. Bixler.
Vada Sultenfuss: I guess.
Mr. Guttman: Hello, Dr. Marvin. The house looks good.
Mrs. Guttman: Burn in hell, Dr. Marvin.
Woman: What's a mother to do? Lazy brat sits in her room all day, sewing dolls. Children misbehaving in the basement! And one in the wall, doing his business God knows where. You kids will be the death of me... the death of me.
Bryan: I'd respect your privacy more if you weren't so secretive.
Sue Ellen "Swell" Crandell: Well I'd tell you more if you didn't want to know so much.
J.P.: Go suck a bug.
Madonna: I hate people who hate women. Actually I hate people who hate.
Leonardo: I'm Leonardo.
Michelangelo: I'm Michaelangelo.
Donatello: Donatello.
Raphael: I'm Raphael.
Michalangelo: All the good ones end in "O".
Fred: I am a loner, a crazy wide eyed loner on a doomed mission to Venus to battle with the 3 headed mega beast but on the way I caught cornflakes disease.
Ben Geisler: What Ted Oakam doesn't know you could almost squeeze into the Hollywood Bowl.
Dr. Benjamin Stone: You want to trade, the pig for the part?
Melvin the Mechanic: If you can part with the pig.
Dr. Benjamin Stone: Good.