C.J. Cregg: Is there anything I can say other than the President rode his bicycle into a tree?
Leo McGarry: He hopes never to do it again.
C.J. Cregg: Seriously, they're laughing pretty hard.
Leo McGarry: He rode his bicycle into a tree, C.J., what do you want me...? "The President, while riding his bicycle, came to a sudden arboreal stop."
Laurie: Tell your friend POTUS he's got a funny name, and he should learn how to ride a bicycle.
Sam Seaborn: I would, but he's not my friend, he's my boss. And it's not his name, it's his title.
Laurie: POTUS?
Sam Seaborn: President of the United States.
Toby Ziegler: You think the United States is under attack from 1,200 Cubans in rowboats?
Sam Seaborn: I'm not saying I don't like our chances.
Toby Ziegler: Mind-boggling to me we ever won an election.
Leo McGarry: [on the phone with the New York Times.] 17 across. Yes,17 across is wrong... You're spelling his name wrong... What's my name? My name doesn't matter. I am just an ordinary citizen who relies on the Times crossword for stimulation. And I'm telling you that I met the man twice. And I recommended a pre-emptive Exocet missile strike against his air force, so I think I know how...
C.J. Cregg: Leo.
Leo McGarry: They hang up on me every time.
Leo McGarry: He's a klutz, Mrs. Landingham, your president's a geek.
John Van Dyke: If our children can buy pornography on any street corner for five dollars, isn't that too high a price to pay for free speech?
President Josiah Bartlet: No.
John Van Dyke: Really?
President Josiah Bartlet: On the other hand, I think that five dollars is too high a price to pay for pornography.
Mallory O'Brian: I'm sorry to be rude, but are you a moron?
Sam Seaborn: In this particular area, yes.
Mallory O'Brian: The 18th president was Ulysses S. Grant and the Roosevelt Room was named for Theodore.
Sam Seaborn: Really?
Mallory O'Brian: There's like a six-foot painting on the wall of Teddy Roosevelt.
Sam Seaborn: I should have put two and two together.
Mallory O'Brian: Yes.
Sam Seaborn: The thing is while there really are a great many things on which I can speak with authority, I'm not good at talking about the White House.
Mallory O'Brian: You're the White House Deputy Communications Director and you're not good at talking about the White House?
Sam Seaborn: Ironic, isn't it?
John Van Dyke: The First Commandment says Honor thy father.
Toby Ziegler: No it doesn't
Josh Lyman: Toby...
Toby Ziegler: It doesn't.
Josh Lyman: Listen...
Toby Ziegler: No if I'm going to make you sit through this preposterous exercise, we're going to get the names of the damn commandments right.
Mary Marsh: Okay. Here we go.
Toby Ziegler: Honor thy father is the Third Commandment.
John Van Dyke: Then what's the First Commandment?
President Josiah Bartlet: I am the Lord your God. Thou shalt worship no other god before me. Boy, those were the days, huh?
Answer: One of the kidnappers was having an argument with his girlfriend and dumped her. She called 911 about Zoe.
No, some woman had an argument with her boyfriend, and he kicked her out of the car in the rain. She tried to take shelter in an abandoned farmhouse and noticed the kidnappers holed up in there, and called 911.
Brian Katcher