Jason Bateman (back to the J list / B list)

Lucille: I'm giving the company to Buster.

Michael: Buster? You're giving the company to a guy who thought the blue on the map was land?

Michael: They're going to keep Dad in jail until this whole thing gets sorted out. [Silence] Also, I've been told that the company's expense accounts have been frozen. [Gasps] Interesting. I would have expected that after "they're keeping Dad in jail".

Barry Zuckerkorn: So basically you're about 2,000 shares short of being the majority stock holders. Now unfortunately it's a private stock so you can not just buy up the shares unless someone is willing to sell

Michael: Are you sure?

Barry Zuckerkorn: That's what it said on 'Ask Jeeves'

Lucille: You idiots. If your father sees me here with Wayne...

Michael: ...we'll be stuck with Barry.

Wayne Jarvis: I shall duck behind that little garbage car.

Michael: Guy's a pro.

Lucille: The company is in danger.

Michael: What tipped you off? The falling profit margins or the fact that we're a regular feature on Bill O'Reilly's most ridiculous item of the day?

Dave: What if she wants to have sex tonight?

Mitch Planko: You are not having sex with my wife.

Dave: Is it weird I miss your penis?

Mitch Planko: Ah, come on, it would be weird if you didn't...

Ray Embrey: People don't like you, Hancock.

Hancock: Do I look like I care what people think?

Detective Hagan: You wanna explain why you were speeding?

Nick Hendricks: I was drag racing.

Detective Hagan: In a Prius?

Nick Hendricks: I don't win a lot.

Motherfucker Jones: I think I can help you boys.

Kurt Buckman: Are you a businessman?

Motherfucker Jones: Motherfucker Jones.

Dale Arbus: Your first name is 'Motherfucker?

Motherfucker Jones: My real name is Dean.

Nick Hendricks: Dean Jones, that's the same name of the actor in Herbie and the Love Bug.

Kurt Buckman: Yeah, he probably doesn't even know who that is.

Motherfucker Jones: I know who he is, bitch. I can't walk around this fucking neighborhood with that Disney-ass name.

Diana: Ugh, my neck!

Sandy: Neck hurts, huh? Why don't we swap information, Sandy Bigelow Patterson. Bigelow's such a rare name.

Diana: It's a family name. Jeremiah Bigelow was a pretty well known bear hunter.

Sandy: He sounds brave. Here's my driver's license with my name, Sandy Bigelow Patterson. Gotcha!

Vanessa Loring: You think you're really going to do this?

Juno MacGuff: Yea, if I could just have the thing and give it to you now, I totally would. But I'm guessing it looks probably like a sea monkey right now and we should let it get a little cuter.

Vanessa Loring: That's great.

Mark Loring: Keep it in the oven.

Vanessa Loring: So... How are we going to do this?

Juno MacGuff: Uh, aren't I just gonna, ya know, squeeze it out and, hand it over to you?

Gerta Rauss: Mark and Vanessa are willing to negotiate an open adoption...

Mac MacGuff: What do you mean?

Juno MacGuff: Wait... No! I mean, can't we just, like, kick this old school? Like, I have the baby, put it in a basket and send it your way, like, Moses and the reeds?

Mark Loring: Technically, that would be kicking it Old Testament.

Gerta Rauss: ...So, we all agree that a closed adoption is the best decision for all involved?

Juno MacGuff: SSHHIT! YES! Close it up!

Agent Zoil: Cock-sucking, motherfucking, two-balled bitch!