Quotes from Steve Carell movies and TV shows

Andy: I dated this girl for a while... She was really a... Nasty freak. She just loved to... Get down with... Sex all the time. It was like... Anytime of day... She was like, "Yeah, let's go! I'm so nasty! And I'd be nailing her and she'd be like, "Oh, you're nailing me! Cool!"

Andy: Yeah, they were nice. You know, when you, like, you grab a woman's breast and it's ... And you feel it and ... It feels like a bag of sand when you're touching it.

[While making out in bed.]
Trish: Do you have protection?
Andy: I don't believe in guns.

[Persuading his friends the prostitute they got him was a transvestite.]
Andy: She had hands as big as Andre the Giant, and she had an Adam's apple as big as her balls.

Ben Cooper: Whoa honey are you okay?
Emily Cooper: No i'm not Peter Pan can't have a cold Dad.

Anthony Cooper: Mom, do you mind?.. Please.
Kelly Cooper: What? Because of this morning? It's not the first time I've seen your penis, Anthony.
Emily Cooper: Mom saw your penis?
Kelly Cooper: Yep! I've seen yours too, Alexander. I've seen every penis in this car.
Ben Cooper: Every penis.

Ben Cooper: Honey bumble bee is gone.

Video game dev: Is that a pirate blouse?
Ben Cooper: Yarrr.

Kelly Cooper: How much cough syrup did she have?
Ben Cooper: Clearly way too much.

Ron Burgundy: Last time I looked in the dictionary, my name's Ron Burgundy. What's your name?
Brian Fantana: Brian Fantana.
Champ Kind: Champ Kind.
Brick Tamland: Brian Fantana.
Brian Fantana: No, you're Brick.
Brick Tamland: Brian.
Brian Fantana: I'm Brian.
Brick Tamland: Veronica.

Brick Tamland: I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE YELLING ABOUT!

Ron Burgundy: Brick, where did you get a hand grenade?
Brick Tamland: I don't know.

Ron Burgundy: Boy, that escalated quickly. I mean that really got out of hand fast!
Brian Fantana: It jumped up a notch.
Ron Burgundy: It did, didn't it?
Brick Tamland: Yea, I stabbed a man in the heart.
Ron Burgundy: I saw that! Brick killed a guy. Did you throw a trident?
Brick Tamland: Yea, there were horses and a man on fire and I killed a guy with a trident.
Ron Burgundy: Brick, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. You should find yourself a safe house or a relative close by, and lay low for a while, because you're probably wanted for murder.

Brick Tamland: I love...carpet. I love...desk.
Ron Burgundy: Brick, are you just looking at things in the office and saying that you love them?
Brick Tamland: I love lamp.
Ron Burgundy: Do you really love the lamp, or are you just saying it because you saw it?
Brick Tamland: I love lamp. I love lamp.

Brick Tamland: I'm Brick Tamland. People seem to like me because I am polite and I am rarely late. I like to eat ice cream and I really enjoy a nice pair of slacks. Years later, a doctor will tell me that I have an I.Q. Of 48 and am what some people call mentally retarded.

Champ Kind: Tell me about it, this morning, I woke up and I shit a squirrel, but what I can't get is the damn thing is still alive. So now, I've got a shit covered squirrel running around my office and I don't know what to name it.
Brick Tamland: O, I'm sorry champ, I think I ate your chocolate squirrel.

Brian Fantana: That was one crazy party. I am hung over.
Champ Kind: I woke up on the floor of some Japanese family's rec room, and they would NOT stop screaming.
Brick Tamland: I ate a big, red candle.

Champ Kind: What's it like, Ron?
Ron Burgundy: The intimate times? Outta sight, my man.
Brian Fantana: No, the other thing - love.
Brick Tamland: Yeah, what is that?

[Arguing against women in the newsroom.]
Brick Tamland: I read somewhere their periods attract bears. Bears can smell the menstruation.
Brian Fantana: Well, that's just great. You hear that, Ed? Bears. Now you're putting the whole station in jeopardy.

Freddie Shapp: You're on the 2 AM to 5 AM slot.
Ron Burgundy: What? That's the graveyard shift!
Brick Tamland: I ain't afraid of no ghost!