Andy: I dated this girl for a while... she was really a... nasty freak. She just loved to... get down with... sex all the time. It was like... anytime of day... she was like, "Yeah, let's go! I'm so nasty! And I'd be nailing her and she'd be like, "Oh, you're nailing me! Cool!"

Andy: Yeah, they were nice. You know, when you, like, you grab a woman's breast and it's ... and you feel it and ... it feels like a bag of sand when you're touching it.

Cal: I feel kinda bad. You know, for the last 2 years I've thought you were a serial killer.

[Andy laughs.]

Cal: That wasn't a joke.

David: You know how I know you're gay? You have a rainbow bumper sticker on your car that says "I like it when balls are in my face."

[Persuading his friends the prostitute they got him was a transvestite.]

Andy: She had hands as big as Andre the Giant, and she had an Adam's apple as big as her balls.

David: Know how I know you're gay? You like Coldplay.

[While making out in bed.]

Trish: Do you have protection?

Andy: I don't believe in guns.

Cal: You've gotta wait till the seed grows into a plant. Then you've gotta fuck the plant.