Michael Scott: Hi, I'm Michael Scott. And for the next 40 minutes, I am going to be your tour guide through the lives of Phyllis Lapin and Bob Vance. One of the great, seemingly impossible love stories of our time. My name is Michael Scott. Webster's Dictionary defines "wedding" as the fusing of two metals with a hot torch. Well, you know something? I think you guys are two medals. Gold medals. For those of you who don't know me. I'm Michael Scott, Phyllis' boss.
Quotes from Steve Carell movies and TV shows - page 5 of 5
Michael Scott: I ran down Meredith with my car.
Ryan Howard: Oh! Did you do this on purpose?
Michael: No, I was being negligent. But she's in the hospital, she's fine, recovering nicely. Tiny little crack in her pelvis. But she will be-
Ryan: Did this happen on company property?
Michael: Yes. It was on company property, with company property. So, double jeopardy. We are fine.
Ryan: I don't, I don't think you understand how jeopardy works.
Michael: Oh, right, I'm sorry. What is "we're fine"?
Ryan: [sighs].
Michael Scott: Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked. But it's not, like, this compulsive need to be liked. Like my need to be praised.
Michael Scott: A concierge is the Winnipeg equivalent of of a geisha. This is a woman who has been trained in the fine art of fanciness and pleasure. And when you meet one, it is intoxicating. Just what the doctor ordered.
Michael Scott: It's not been a blockbuster year for me financially. My Blockbuster stock is down.
Michael's Last Dundies - S7-E20
Michael Scott: The Dundies are my baby, and they need to go on. When Larry King died, they didn't just cancel his show. They got Pierce Morgan to come in and do his show, and that way Larry lives on.
Dodge: Wow. You have a lot of guns, and a lot of potato chips.
Dodge: I just can't spend the last month of my life getting to know someone. It's ridiculous.
Diane: You don't like Karen?
Dodge: I couldn't possibly give a shit. I am not gonna sit across from someone and hear all their stories, even if she was someone I could be interested in, because I just... I'm not sure that the month between my wife leaving me and the end of the world sounds like good timing. Do you?
Frank: So, you're here to tell me all the things I did wrong?
Dodge: No, you know all the things you did wrong.
General Mark R. Naird: Are you going to sit there like an idiot doing nothing or are you going to shoot for the stars?
General Grabaston: By the end of this hearing I'm going to reabsorb Space Force and its budget, like the world's most powerful tampon.
General Naird: I always thought that you were a tampon.
General Grabaston: Tampons spend all day in vaginas. Nothing manlier if you ask me.
General Naird: All day? 5 hours, tops. Three if you have uterine fibroids. She knows what I'm talking about.
Chief of Naval Operations: Acknowledge my gender again, and I will fuck you in the ass.
General Naird: Duly noted. Duly noted.
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