Lou: At least I have my testicles.
Rusty: Now, when you said you were gonna wear a cowboy hat, I didn't know how I'd feel about it.
Willard: And now that you've seen me in it, what's the verdict?
Rusty: I think you're sexier than socks on a rooster.
Willard: That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Rusty: I mean it, stud.
Brad Harris: There is going to be major fallout in a few hours.
Bill Clemont: Nuclear fallout?
Brad Harris: Bird fallout.
Maharajah of Pikachu: Please, Shiek Alleycat! I insist you take this Maharajah Talk 5000. You'll find it more valuable.
Top Cat: Why? Can it turn into rubies, too?
The Mighty Sven: If you want it, you must will it. If you will it, it will be yours.
Fred's Dad: You can't see me.
Fred Figglehorn: Yes I can.
Fred's Dad: Oh.
[Fred is moaning, the male cop knocks on the window.]
Male Cop: Are you okay?
Grace: Don't worry. This isn't what it looks like.
Fred: Yeah, it isn't.
Grace: I was giving him a faux-job.
Male Cop: A faux-job?
Female Cop: Yeah, that's when a woman goes south on a man but she doesn't use her mouth. So she uses her hands and makes noises.
Fred: Wait, what?
Rick Malloy: We're gonna go to jail! We're gonna die! Probably both.
Josh Kovacs: Yes! Yes! Yes! Join me.
Gary Sadelstein: What are you gonna wear Daddy... in hell?
Ben: So, why didn't you guys ever even try to get together?
Jason Fryman: It's too much familiarity. It's like she's one of my limbs.
Ben: And that's bad, because...?
Jason Fryman: Because I hate myself.
Matt Franklin: I'm... I'm just messed up, OK? I don't know what I want to do. And I'm sorry I'm such a fucking failure.
Bill Franklin: You haven't really failed, son, because you haven't really tried to succeed. So don't credit yourself as a failure. You're worse than that.
Matt Franklin: I just can't figure it out, Dad.
Bill Franklin: Don't cry like that in jail, son.
Ethan: The Hamptons are like a zombie movie directed by Ralph Lauren.
Mercedes Tainot: Are you clairvoyant?
Steve Dibiasi: No... Steve Dibiasi.
Billy: Do you think this is an ugly candle?
Ned: No way, man. There's no such thing as an ugly homemade candle.
Ivan McCormick: You made the worst decision of my life.
Mary: You know, I don't, I don't know about this.
Judy: Oh, shut up, Mary. When was the last time someone fucked you so hard you couldn't walk?
Nora Dominguez: I avoid relationships because I can't count on them.