DJay: You Mormons are some brave mother fuckers.
Chief Jesse Stone: I know who killed them.
Captain Healy: Do you have motive?
Chief Jesse Stone: No.
Captain Healy: Witnesses?
Chief Jesse Stone: No.
Captain Healy: Weapon?
Chief Jesse Stone: No.
Captain Healy: Hell, I'll warm up a cell right now.
Louis Howe: Why are you a Democrat?
Franklin Delano Roosevelt: The Democratic Party is the party of the people, and I'm a man of the people.
Louis Howe: You're a Roosevelt. Since when does a Roosevelt know about people?
Blake: You know, it's kinda like... Success is subjective, you know. It could be an opinion.
Gloria Goodfellow: Petey? Petey? Walter?
Reverend Walter Goodfellow: Ah, Gloria. This is Bob and Ted from the waterboard, we're just discussing the.
Gloria Goodfellow: Walter, where's Petey?
Reverend Walter Goodfellow: Oh Lord! Mrs Calloway called about her crisis of faith. She was on the verge of losing it.
Gloria Goodfellow: I know the bloody feeling.
Coach Ken Carter: L came to coach basketball players, and you became students. L came to teach boys, and you became men.
Goddess Manshen: Once you have accepted your destiny, nothing can alter it unless time flows backwards, snow falls in the spring, and the dead come back to life.
Isabel Bigelow: Oh, we're going to kiss aren't we?
Jack Wyatt: I thought so. But, thanks for ruining the moment Miss Narrator.
Walt Berkman: It's Welles' masterpiece, really. Many people think it's Citizen Kane, but Magnificent Ambersons, if it hadn't been ruined by the studio, would've been his crowning achievement. As it is, it's still brilliant. It's the old story, genius not being recognized by the industry.
Lance: It sounds great. Who's in it?
Walt Berkman: Orson Welles? I don't know, I haven't seen it yet. I've seen stills.
Opal: Music is better if someone's listening.
Sir Nicholas: What queer finery he wears.
Geoff Tipps: I'm not queer, don't bum me.
Evil: Because when you point a finger at somebody else, you're pointing three at yourself and a thumb at the sky.
Crystal Falls: You really don't care what people think, do you?
Dean Stiffle: No, I really don't.
Crystal Falls: That's a nice trick.
Dean Stiffle: Thanks, I studied in the far east.
Crystal Falls: Maybe you can show me how it's done?
Dean Stiffle: Step one? Years of ridicule.
The Penguin: Agh! Dead guys don't do that.
Dracula: Not dead... UN-dead.
The Penguin: I think I need to UN-wet my pants.
Kaufman: We do not negotiate with terrorists.
Julian Noble: Sorry about the cock thing, it's kind of a conversation stopper.
Aline Cedrac: I thought you were dead, asshole.
Cousin Bo: I wanna buzz your butt.