Maitre D': Whats wrong with him?
Elizabeth Masterson: It's a tension pneumothorax.
David Abbott: I think it's a tension nemothax, sir.
Elizabeth Masterson: Pneumothorax.
David Abbott: Nuemathax, sir.
Elizabeth Masterson: Pneumothorax.
David Abbott: Numathurman.
Elizabeth Masterson: Never mind.
David Abbott: Never mind.
Hadley Wolfmeyer: What kind of a dickhead runs away with his secretary? That is lame, take a right, make a left at pathetic.
El Nino: Well, wicked-ass props to you Mr. O.G. and thanks for representing all the homeboys.
Badawi: You'll die with me.
Mike Rogo: Not today.
Floyd: Welcome to Thunderdome, bitch!
Mick Taylor: Where you from, mate?
Ben Mitchell: Sydney.
Mick Taylor: Poofter capital of Australia.
T.J. Hicks: Did you know Holland invented chicken and waffles?
Deuce Bigalow: Really?
T.J. Hicks: Before that you could get chicken or waffles, but they were the first to put them together! Black people all over the world will be forever grateful to the Dutch for that.
Deuce Bigalow: You know the Dutch started the slave trade.
T.J. Hicks: Those mother fuckers.
Hector: What you doin' around here? Looking all homegirl and shit?
Allison: I always dress like this.
Hector: Oh, yeah? Wow! Here I am, trying to look like I got the money, and you're trying to look like ME! Fuckin' white people.
Jack Twist: God, I wish I knew how to quit you!
Ennis Del Mar: Well, why don't you?
Valiant: It's not the size of your wingspan that counts, no, it's the size of your spirit.
Mayor Buckman: Got any last requests, boy?
Malcolm: Yeah. Kiss my black ass.
Truman Capote: It's as if Perry and I grew up in the same house and one day he stood up and went out the back door while I went out the front.
Skip: Yeah, this is Skip Engblom and the Zephyr Skateboard Team. Here's our entry fees. Now where's our trophies?
Ben: Captain Newport, sir, I found oysters. They're as thick as my hands. They're the size of stones sir and there's fish everywhere they're flapping against your legs. We're gonna live like kings.
Charles Schine: Please, just take the money.
Philippe LaRoche: Chuck, I already took your money. You see this? This was your money, and I took it. Now it's mine.
Melquiades Estrada: Promise me one thing, Pete. If I die over here, carry me back to my family and bury me in my home town. I don't want to be buried on this side among all the fucking billboards.
Simon Green: Why can't black people listen to country music?
Keisha Jones: Why?
Simon Green: Because every time they say "hoe-down" they think their sister got shot.