Einar Gilkyson: I expect you to be nice to who ever comes to my door.
Griff Gilkyson: Yes sir.
Einar Gilkyson: Unless it's some guy looking to sell his angle on God. There's no excuse for that bullshit.
Dave Spritz: People don't throw things at me any more. Maybe because I carry a bow around.
Jake Green: The greatest enemy will hide in the last place you would ever look.
Lorbeer: Big pharmaceuticals are right up there with the arms dealers.
Katherine: It's not unusual for a child to create an imaginary friend.
Stewie Griffin: Look, I really don't want to go to hell, but I can't stop my nature. I'm just a hateful person.
Brian Griffin: You're not hateful you just need to control your anger. Like I do.
Stewie Griffin: Oh, you mean by being sauced all day! Wait a minute! Of Course! That's it! If I'm drunk I'll be calm and if I'm calm I'll be nice, and if I'm nice then I won't go to hell. Fix me a highball I'm going to get good and tight.
Yuri Orlov: I'm a one-man genocide.
Walt: Oh my god, he is deranged!
Record Company Executive: Your fans are gospel folk, Johnny. They're Christians, and they don't wanna hear you singing to a bunch of murderers and rapists, tryin' to cheer 'em up.
Johnny Cash: Then they ain't Christians.
David Bloomberg: I'm 23.
Rafi Gardet: No, you're not. I don't believe you. Let me see the license... Oh, my God! You're a child. Taxi! I have T-shirts older than you.
Nanny McPhee: How's the reading coming along?
Evangeline: Oh... all right. I still haven't gotten to the end of the story, though.
Nanny McPhee: There's no need. You are the end of the story.
Violet Devereaux: Child, I believe you broke my legs.
Nick Jones: Ugh, Dalton, did you crap your pants again?
Dalton Chapman: What? No! I don't know, maybe. I am wearing my work clothes.
Morris Buttermaker: Is that a baggy full of bacon?
Mike Engelberg: I'm on Atkins.
Bree Osbourne: My body may be a work-in-progress, but there is nothing wrong with my soul.
Big Betty: You call that dancing? Last time I danced like that I ended up with twins.
Emily Barnes: If there's anything that I know, it's that love is infinite. You can always make more when you need it. And just because you wanna give some to somebody else, doesn't mean that you'll take any away from me.
Pickle Factory boss: Writer huh? Are you sure?
Henry Chinaski: No, I'm not. I'm halfway through a novel.
Pickle Factory boss: What's it about?
Henry Chinaski: Everything.
Pickle Factory boss: It's about... cancer?
Henry Chinaski: Yes.
Pickle Factory boss: How about my wife?
Henry Chinaski: She's in there too.