Count Olaf: I must say, you're a gloomy looking bunch. Why are you so glum?
Klaus Baudelaire: Our parents just died.
Count Olaf: [nonchalantly.] Ah, yes. How very dreadful. Wait, let me do that one more time. Give me the line again while it's fresh in my mind.
Klaus Baudelaire: Our parents just died?
[Olaf pretends to be shocked.].
Daniel: If you can reach out and touch the horizon, you're at your journeys end.
Audrey: James Joyce?
Daniel: My Uncle Clive, but, equally profound, don't you think?
Lucas: Your other weakness is ME.
Cole Burris: I'm so hungry, I'd sell my Grandmother for a tic tac.
Dr. White: "Give me liberty or give me death." Patrick Henry, an American hero.
District commissioner #1: Apples and oranges.
Dr. White: In oranges and women courage is often mistaken for insanity.
Alice: My name...is Alice. And I remember everything.
Anna: I've met somebody who seems to be Sean... I really hoped that he was Sean. I wanted him to be Sean. But I knew he wasn't... The thing is, I'm falling in love with Sean again. That's what's happening. I need you to tell him to go away. Because I can't do it.
Neuter Grandmother on Bus: I seen you, Sylvia Stickles, showing your pubic patch to the bus driver. You should move downtown where you belong, you whore.
Jesus: Forgive them, Father. They know not what they do.
Angelica: Rosalee, when great love is rejected something inside a man dies.
Stepford Wife: I'm going to use a pinecone as the baby Jesus this year.
Bobbi Markowitz: And I'm going to attach a pinecone to my vibrator and have a really merry Christmas.
Giuseppe: It's a terrible thing. Everyone loved Frankie. May whoever did this die a thousand deaths. May his stinking, maggot-covered corpse rot in the fiery depths of Hell.
Don Lino: Thank you for your kind thoughts, Guiseppe.
Roxy Ryan: Come on you can poopy, just a little one.
Stevie: Are you okay?
Trevor Reznik: Don't I look okay?
Stevie: If you were any thinner, you wouldn't exist.
Alan Tracy: Hey, Dad. That stuff the Hood said, about you leaving him to die. He was lying, right?
Jeff Tracy: No. See, you can't save everyone, Alan. It doesn't matter how hard you try or how brave you are. It doesn't even matter if it's someone you love, someone you'd give your life in a second to save. You just can't save everyone.
Alan Tracy: What was Mom like?
Jeff Tracy: She was a lot like you.
Brian Chavez: I'm gonna miss the heat.
Don Billingsley: I'm gonna miss the lights.
Brian Chavez: Yeah, me too. Stay low boys, keep those feet moving.
Don Billingsley: Hey Chavez! Be perfect.
Brian Chavez: You be perfect.
Don Billingsley: See you Mike.
Latrell Spencer: Oh the deception. The betrayal. Man you deceived me.
Marcus Copeland: Look man.
Latrell Spencer: Negro please. Didn't any one tell you that this was an all white party, huh? Someone get this jiggaboo away from me.
