Princess Vespa: Who are you?
Barf: Barf.
Dot Matrix: Not in here, mister. This is a Mercedes.
Quotes from John Candy movies and TV shows - page 2 of 2
Barf: I'm a Mawg; half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend.
Barf: It's not that we're afraid, far from it, it's just that we've got this thing about death... It's not us!
Jack Chester: Can you tread water with that hook?
Jack Chester: I love you Scully. That's not the booze talkin' either.
Jack Chester: Where's Angus with that sail? There's only two more shopping days left.
Scully: He's searching the entire coast for it. I'm sure he'll find it.
Jack Chester: How can you be so sure?
Scully: If he don't, I'll kill him.
Jennifer Chester: Did they even say how many rooms they're are?
Jack Chester: It's three bedrooms and it's on the beach. That's all I know.
Sandy Chester: Well it was very nice of Hal to find the place.
Jack Chester: It was very nice of him to tell me that I'm cracking up.
Sandy Chester: You are not cracking up. You just need this rest.
Jack Chester: Rest? Didn't we just get back from Hawaii?
Sandy Chester: Jack, that was our honeymoon.
Buck: What time do you want me to pick you up after school?
Tia: Don't bother! I'll get a ride with friends.
Buck: No, I have my orders. What time?
Tia: Are you really this stupid? I said I would get a ride. I always get a ride.
Buck: Hey, I'll just call the school, find out what time, and meet you right here.
Tia: Go ahead, call the school. I won't be here.
Buck: Stand me up today, and tomorrow I'll drive you to school in my robe and pajamas and WALK you to your first class. 4:00 okay?
Miles: Where do you live?
Buck: In the city.
Miles: You have a house?
Buck: Apartment.
Miles: Own or rent?
Buck: Rent.
Miles: What do you do for a living?
Buck: Lots of things.
Miles: Where's your office?
Buck: I don't have one.
Miles: How come?
Buck: I don't need one.
Miles: Where's your wife?
Buck: Don't have one.
Miles: How come?
Buck: It's a long story.
Miles: You have kids?
Buck: No I don't.
Miles: How come?
Buck: It's an even longer story.
Miles: Are you my Dad's brother?
Buck: What's your record for consecutive questions asked?
Miles: 38.
Buck: I'm your Dad's brother all right.
Miles: You have much more hair in your nose than my Dad.
Buck: How nice of you to notice.
Miles: I'm a kid - that's my job.
Tia: Uncle Buck?
Buck: Yeah?
Tia: Got a minute?
Buck: I got lots of minutes.
Tia: Now that everything's okay with my grandfather, I want to go out tomorrow night.
Buck: You can go crazy after I leave. Until then, I'm not letting you out.
Tia: You just can't find any way to be cool can you?
Buck: You mean easy? No.
Tia: I mean decent!
Buck: You mean blind!
Tia: Who are you trying to score points with? My parents? How many times have they had you over here since we moved? Try none until they went up Shit Creek and got stuck!
Buck: Get used on your parents' time.
Tia Russell: Are you crazy?
Buck Russell: I can be.
Tia Russell: You could have taken his head off!
Buck Russell: Yeah, but would he notice?
Uncle Buck: We've done the battle of the wills. The deck's stacked in my favor. You're just going to lose again.
Tia Russell: Try me.
Uncle Buck: How'd you like to spend the next several nights wondering if your crazy, out of work, bum uncle will shave your head while you sleep? See you in the car.
Buck Russell: How many times a day does the dog eat?
Cindy Russell: How many times do you think?
Buck Russell: I don't know, four or five.
Cindy Russell: He eats once a day.
Buck Russell: I, I, I'm real sorry about those bushes too. I had no idea that they would all catch on fire like that and you were right. I should have never put the BBQ that close.
Uncle Buck: I know a good kid when I see one, Because they're all good kids, until dried-out, brain dead skags like you drag them down and convince them they're no good, You so much as scowl at my niece or any other kid in this school and I hear about it I'm coming looking for you. Take this quarter, Go downtown and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face. Good day to you, madam.
Harry Crumb: What's this? An egg?
Eliot Draison: It's a pterodactyl egg. It's fossilized. It's 90 million years old. In the entire world, only two of these have ever been found.
Harry Crumb: You know, that may be worth something.
Harry Crumb: My reputation precedes me. Otherwise I'd be late for all my appointments.
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