Spaceballs
Movie Quote Quiz

Computer: This ship will self-destruct in exactly ten seconds. Counting down. Ten, nine, eight, six.
President Skroob: Six? What happened to seven?
Computer: Just kidding.

Dark Helmet: Before you die there is something you should know about us, Lone Star.
Lone Starr: What?
Dark Helmet: I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate.
Lone Starr: What's that make us?
Dark Helmet: Absolutely nothing! Which is what you are about to become.

Princess Vespa: Who are you?
Barf: Barf.
Dot Matrix: Not in here, mister. This is a Mercedes.

[The self destruction cancellation button is out of order.]
Dark Helmet: F**k! Even in the future nothing works!

Dark Helmet: Careful, you idiot. I said across her nose, not up it!
[The gunman turns around and is cross-eyed.]
Gunman: Sorry, sir. I'm doing my best.
Dark Helmet: Who made that man a gunner?
Cross-eyed gunman 2: I did, sir. He's my cousin.
Dark Helmet: Who is he?
Col. Sanders: He's an asshole, sir.
Dark Helmet: I know that, what's his name?
Col. Sanders: That is his name, sir. "Asshole." Major Asshole.
Dark Helmet: And his cousin?
Col. Sanders: He's an asshole too, sir. Gunners mate, Second-class Philip Asshole.
Dark Helmet: How many assholes we got on this ship, anyhow?
Everyone on the ship: Yo!
Dark Helmet: I knew it, I'm surrounded by assholes.

Druidian Priest: I'm not taking any more chances. The short, short version. Do you?
Lone Starr: Yes.
Druidian Priest: Do you?
Princess Vespa: Yes.
Druidian Priest: Good. You're married. Kiss her.

Dark Helmet: What about you guys?
Trooper: We ain't found shit!

Lord Helmet: What the hell am I looking at? When does this happen in the movie?
Colonel Sandurz: Now. You're looking at now, sir. Everything that happens now is happening now.
Lord Helmet: What happened to then?
Colonel Sandurz: We passed then.
Lord Helmet: When?
Colonel Sandurz: Just now. We're at now, now.
Lord Helmet: Go back to then.
Colonel Sandurz: When?
Lord Helmet: Now!
Colonel Sandurz: Now?
Lord Helmet: Now!
Colonel Sandurz: We can't
Lord Helmet: Why?
Colonel Sandurz: We missed it.
Lord Helmet: When.
Colonel Sandurz: Just now.
Lord Helmet: When will then be now?
Colonel Sandurz: Soon.

Bishop73

Commanderette Zircon: Shall I have Snotty beam you down, sir?
President Skroob: I don't know about that beaming stuff. Is it safe?
Commanderette Zircon: Oh yes, sir. Snotty beamed me twice last night. It was wonderful.
President Skroob: Alright, I'll give it a shot. What the hell, it works on Star Trek.

Dark Helmet: Shit! I hate getting my Schwartz twisted!

Dark Helmet: You have the ring, and I see your Schwartz is as big as mine. Now let's see how well you handle it.

Lone Star: On this ship, you are to refer to me as Idiot, not you Captain. I mean...You know what I mean.

Lone Starr: We're not just doing this for money...We're doing it for a shitload of money!

Lone Starr: We're not just doing this for money. We're doing it for a shitload of money!

Captain of the Guard: You idiots! These are not them! You've captured their stunt doubles!

Dark Helmet: So, Lone Star, now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb.

Lone Starr: Helmet! So, at last we meet for the first time for the last time.

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Question: When Dark Helmet says that there are two sides to every Schwartz, is this an obscure reference to something else, besides the obvious light side and dark side of the force?

Answer: "There are two sides to every sword" is a common saying.

Grumpy Scot

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