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Airplane

Gunderson: He's all over the place! Nine hundred feet up to 1300 feet. What an asshole!

Steve McCroskey: Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit smoking.

Captain Oveur: Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?

Male PA announcer: The red zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in a white zone.
Female PA announcer: No, the white zone is for loading. There is no stopping in the red zone.
Male PA announcer: The red zone has always been for loading.
Female PA announcer: Don't you tell me which zone is for loading and which zone is for unloading.
Male PA announcer: Look Betty - don't start up with your white zone shit again! There is just no stopping in a white zone!
Female PA announcer: Oh really, Vernon? Why pretend? We both know perfectly well what this is about. You want me to have an abortion!
Male PA announcer: It's really the only sensible thing to do, if it's done safely. Therapeutically, there is no danger involved.

Steve McCroskey: Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.

Ted Striker: Surely you can't be serious.
Rumack: I am serious, and don't call me Shirley.

Rex Kramer: All right, I'll need three men up at the tower. You, Neubauer. You, Macias.
Johnny: Me, John, big tree!

Rex Kramer: [talking to the airport control tower.] No, we can't do that, the risk of a flame-out is too great. Keep 'em at 24,000. No, feet.

Ted Striker: It was a rough place - the seediest dive on the wharf. Populated with every reject and cutthroat from Bombay to Calcutta. It's worse than Detroit.

Ted Striker: It's a damn good thing he doesn't know how much I hate his guts.
Elaine Dickinson: It's a damn good thing you don't know how much he hates your guts.

Jack Kirkpatrick: Shanna, they bought their tickets, they knew what they were getting into. I say, let 'em crash.

Hanging Lady: No wonder you're upset. She's lovely. And a darling figure... Supple, pouting breasts... Firm thighs. It's a shame you two don't get along.

Elaine Dickinson: Would you like something to read?
Hanging Lady: Do you have anything light?
Elaine Dickinson: How about this leaflet, "Famous Jewish Sports Legends?"

Rumack: What was it we had for dinner tonight?
Elaine Dickinson: Well, we had a choice of steak or fish.
Rumack: Yes, yes, I remember, I had lasagna.

Captain Oveur: Joey, have you ever been in a Turkish prison?

Steve McCroskey: Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines.

Steve McCroskey: Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit drinking.

Rumack: Elaine, you're a member of this crew. Can you face some unpleasant facts?
Elaine Dickinson: No.

Ted Striker: Because of my mistake, six men didn't return from that raid.
Elaine Dickinson: Seven. Lieutenant Zip died this morning.

Controller: Bad news. The fog's getting thicker.
Johnny: And Leon is getting laaaaarrrrrger.

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Mistakes

In the dance sequence, we see Elaine twirling Ted around and throwing him into the crowd. Watch the top-right-corner of your screen, as the stunt-double lands in the audience you can see Robert Hays (Ted Striker) in the top-right-corner waiting to pop out.

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Trivia

Towards the end of the credits, there is a paragraph that states something like, "This film may not be copyrighted in any way without written permission. SO THERE."

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