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Airplane

Steve McCroskey: Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.

Gunderson: He's all over the place! Nine hundred feet up to 1300 feet. What an asshole!

[Randy is crying.]
Dr. Rumack: Randy, are you all right?
Randy: Oh, Dr. Rumack, I'm scared. I've never been so scared. And besides, I'm twenty-six and I'm not married.
Dr. Rumack: We're going to make it, you've got to believe that.
Mrs. Hammen: Dr. Rumack, do you have any idea when we'll be landing?
Dr. Rumack: Pretty soon. How are you holding up?
Mrs. Hammen: Well, to be honest, I've never been so scared. But, at least I have a husband.
[Randy cries even harder.].

Ted Striker: Surely you can't be serious.
Rumack: I am serious, and don't call me Shirley.

Rumack: What was it we had for dinner tonight?
Elaine Dickinson: Well, we had a choice of steak or fish.
Rumack: Yes, yes, I remember, I had lasagna.

Captain Oveur: Joey, have you ever been in a Turkish prison?

Controller: Bad news. The fog's getting thicker.
Johnny: And Leon is getting laaaaarrrrrger.

Captain Oveur: Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?

Rex Kramer: All right, I'll need three men up at the tower. You, Neubauer. You, Macias.
Johnny: Me, John, big tree!

Jack Kirkpatrick: Shanna, they bought their tickets, they knew what they were getting into. I say, let 'em crash.

Steve McCroskey: Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines.

Steve McCroskey: Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit smoking.

Steve McCroskey: Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit drinking.

Ted Striker: My orders came through. My squadron ships out tomorrow. We're bombing the storage depots at Daiquiri at 1800 hours. We're coming in from the north, below their radar.
Elaine Dickinson: When will you be back?
Ted Striker: I can't tell you that. It's classified.

Male PA announcer: The red zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in a white zone.
Female PA announcer: No, the white zone is for loading. There is no stopping in the red zone.
Male PA announcer: The red zone has always been for loading.
Female PA announcer: Don't you tell me which zone is for loading and which zone is for unloading.
Male PA announcer: Look Betty - don't start up with your white zone shit again! There is just no stopping in a white zone!
Female PA announcer: Oh really, Vernon? Why pretend? We both know perfectly well what this is about. You want me to have an abortion!
Male PA announcer: It's really the only sensible thing to do, if it's done safely. Therapeutically, there is no danger involved.

Ted Striker: It was a rough place - the seediest dive on the wharf. Populated with every reject and cutthroat from Bombay to Calcutta. It's worse than Detroit.

Hanging Lady: No wonder you're upset. She's lovely. And a darling figure... Supple, pouting breasts... Firm thighs. It's a shame you two don't get along.

Elaine Dickinson: Would you like something to read?
Hanging Lady: Do you have anything light?
Elaine Dickinson: How about this leaflet, "Famous Jewish Sports Legends?"

Rumack: Elaine, you're a member of this crew. Can you face some unpleasant facts?
Elaine Dickinson: No.

Ted Striker: Because of my mistake, six men didn't return from that raid.
Elaine Dickinson: Seven. Lieutenant Zip died this morning.

Roger: We have clearance, Clarence.
Clarence: Roger, Roger.

Rex Kramer: Do you know what it's like to fall in the mud and get kicked... In the head... With an iron boot? Of course you don't, no one does. It never happens. It's a dumb question... Skip it.

Rumack: Captain, how soon can you land?
Captain Oveur: I can't tell.
Rumack: You can tell me. I'm a doctor.
Captain Oveur: No. I mean I'm just not sure.
Rumack: Well, can't you take a guess?
Captain Oveur: Well, not for another two hours.
Rumack: You can't take a guess for another two hours?

Rex Kramer: Striker, listen, and you listen close: flying a plane is no different than riding a bicycle, just a lot harder to put baseball cards in the spokes.

Elaine: You got a letter from headquarters this morning.
Ted Striker: What is it?
Elaine: It's a big building where generals meet, but that's not important.

Randy: Can I get you something?
Jive Brother 1: Smo fo buttah layin' to the bone, jackin' me up...tightly!
Randy: I'm sorry. I don't understand.
Jive Brother 2: Cutty say he can't hang!
Jive Lady: Oh, stewardess. I speak jive.
Randy: Oh, good.
Jive Lady: He said that he's in great pain and he wants to know if you can help him.
Randy: Would you tell him to just relax, and I'll be back as soon as I can with some medicene.
Jive Lady: Jes hang loose, blood. She gonna catch up on the rebound a da medicide.
Jive Brother 1: What it is big mama? My mama didn't raise no dummy; I dug her rap!
Jive Lady: Cut me some slack, jack! Chump don' want no help, chump don' git no help. Jive ass dude don' got no brains anyhow!

Dr. Rumack: You'd better tell the captain we've got to land as soon as we can. This woman has to be gotten to a hospital.
Elaine: A hospital? What is it?
Dr. Rumack: It's a big building with patients, but that's not important right now.

Stewardess Randy: Excuse me sir, there has been a little problem in the cockpit...
Ted Striker: The cockpit? What is it?
Randy: It's the little room in front of the plane where the pilot's in, but that's not important right now.

Ted Striker: Surely there must be something we can do about it.
Dr. Rumack: There is something we can do about it. And please, stop calling me Shirley.

Clarence Oveur: Joey, have you ever seen a grown man naked?

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Mistakes

In the dance sequence, we see Elaine twirling Ted around and throwing him into the crowd. Watch the top-right-corner of your screen, as the stunt-double lands in the audience you can see Robert Hays (Ted Striker) in the top-right-corner waiting to pop out.

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Trivia

Towards the end of the credits, there is a paragraph that states something like, "This film may not be copied in any way without written permission. SO THERE."

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