Quotes from Dan Castellaneta movies and TV shows - page 7 of 8

The Simpsons quotes

Das Bus - S9-E14

Homer: Welcome to the Internet, my friend. How can I help you?
Comic Book Guy: I'm interested in upgrading my 28.8 kilobaud Internet connection to a 1.5 megabit fiber optic T-1 line. Will you be able to provide an IP router that's compatible with my token ring ethernet LAN configuration?
[The two look at each other awkwardly for a few seconds.]
Homer: Can I have some money now?

Tennis the Menace - S12-E12

Kent Brockman: That's game, set and match to us. But the real winners here are Marge's hors d'oeuvres.
Homer: Wow, how do you come up with such witty remarks?
Kent Brockman: Ha ha, well...
[Two men are suddenly shown in a news van giving Kent typed responses through an earpiece.]
Tech Guy #1: [to his coworker, who is typing out a response] Come on, come on. Hurry up. [The coworker hands him the response] "I guess you could say it's my racket."
Kent Brockman: I guess you could say I'm Iraqi.
Homer: [Gasps] Get off my property.

Mr. Plow - S4-E9

Homer: When two best friends work together, not even God himself can stop them.
God: Oh, no? [God proceeds to melt all the snow in Springfield, effectively destroying Homer and Barney's snow plow businesses].

Tree House of Horror III: The Simpson's Halloween Special III - S4-E5

[Every character is throwing something into a bottomless pit.]
Homer: [Throws in evil Krusty doll] Goodbye dolly.
Italian Mobster: [Throws in dead body] Arrivederci, Vito.
Man: I was a fool to think anyone would want nude photos of Whoopi Goldberg. [Throws them into the pit, the pit throws them back out] What the?

Homer: Shut up, boy.

Bart Gets an Elephant - S5-E17

Marge: [Referring to Bart's new pet elephant] Homer, it looks like it could gore.
Homer: Heh heh, he does look like Al Gore.

Rosebud - S5-E4

Barney the Purple Dinosaur: [singing] Two plus two is four. Two plus two is four. Two plus two is four.
Homer: Heh heh heh heh. I can see why this is so popular.

The Mansion Family - S11-E12

Homer: See that ship over there? They're rebroadcasting Major League Baseball with implied oral consent, not expressed written consent.

Homerpalooza - S7-E24

Abe: What the hell are you two doin'?
Barney: It's called "rockin' out."
Homer: You wouldn't understand, Dad. You're not "with it."
Abe: I used to be "with it," but then they changed what "it" was. Now what I'm "with" isn't "it," and what's "it" seems weird and scary to me. It'll happen to you.

Guess Who's Coming to Criticize Dinner - S11-E3

Homer: I don't need Lisa to write a good review. "The food at the Gilded Truffle really..." Uh, what's a good word?
Maggie: [Sucks on pacifier].
Homer: "Sucks." That's great. "And the bread was really..." Come on, help me out here.
Santa's Little Helper: Ruff.
Homer: Rough? I don't know, you've been pitching that all night.
Santa's Little Helper: Chewy?
Homer: "Chewy," that's inspired.

Deep Space Homer - S5-E15

Homer: Ah, TV respects me. It laughs with me, not at me.
Man on TV: [Pointing at the screen and laughing] You stupid! [Continues laughing]
Homer: D'oh!

Scenes From a Class Struggle in Springfield - S7-E14

Tom Kite: You know Homer, the traditional way to cheat in golf is to lower your score.
Homer: That's one way.
Tom Kite: Ha ha, I'm PGA Tour pro Tom Kite. How 'bout I give you a few pointers on your game? Now you don't want to overthink.
Homer: Not an issue.
Tom Kite: Keep your head down.
Homer: [Raises head] Huh?
Tom Kite: Pretend there's no-one else here. [Homer scratches his butt with the driver and then belches.] And just go at your own pace. [Homer hits the ball onto the green.] Wow, very impressive. You're a natural, Mr. Simpson.
Homer: Really?
Tom Kite: Uh huh. All you need is your own set of clubs. [Takes his clubs back from Homer.] And stay the hell out of my locker! You can keep the shoes.

Fear of Flying - S6-E11

Homer: Wait a minute. There's something bothering me about this place. I know, this lesbian bar doesn't have a fire exit! Enjoy your death trap, ladies!
Lesbian: What was her problem?

Dude, Where's My Ranch? - S14-E18

The Simpsons Family: ♪ Just hear those sleigh bells jingling...
Blue-haired Lawyer: Cease and desist! You are forbidden to perform that song without paying royalties to the copyright owner.
Marge: Nobody owns Christmas carols. They belong to everyone, like grapes at the grocery store.
Blue-haired Lawyer: Not true, but you are welcome to sing the many public domain carols, such as "O Tannenbaum," "Good King Wenceslas," "Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring."
Homer: Those suck! They're worse than nothing! I could write way better songs.
Blue-haired Lawyer: Go ahead, but don't use A-flat or G-natural, those notes are owned by Disney.
Homer: [Moans.]
Blue-haired Lawyer: That's A-flat.
Homer: [Moans in a higher pitch.]
Blue-haired Lawyer: That's better.

Margical History Tour - S15-E11

Homer: And now, the star of our show: my son, Mozart. He makes Bach turn back, Haydn go into hidin', and, well, those are the only ones there have been so far.

Bart vs. Australia - S6-E16

Homer: [Looking at Uruguay on a globe] Heh heh heh heh! Look at this country: U R Gay.

Lisa the Simpson - S9-E17

Announcer: We now return to "When Buildings Collapse" on "Non-Stop Fox."
[Bart and Homer cheer.]
Bart: Hey Lis', wanna join us?
Homer: Room for one more.
Bart: We're watching the TV.
Narrator: Man has always loved his buildings. But what happens when the buildings say "No more!"?

Viva Ned Flanders - S10-E10

Homer: [Screams] The Moody Blues!
Graeme Edge: Cold-hearted Homer ditching his wife, while ancient Ned runs for his life.
Justin Hayward: Chips of red and blue and white, but we decide which...
John Lodge: Can the poems, it's ass-whooping time!
Ray Thomas: I want fatty!

Kill the Alligator and Run - S11-E19

Homer: Guess how many boobs I saw today, Marge. Fifteen.

Homer at the Bat - S3-E17

Barney: And I say England's greatest Prime Minister was Lord Palmerston.
Wade Boggs: Pitt the Elder.
Barney: Lord Palmerston!
Wade Boggs: Pitt the Elder!
Barney: OK, you asked for it, Boggs! [Punches him out.]
Moe: Yeah, that's showing him, Barney! Pitt the Elder.
Barney: Lord Palmerston! [Punches Moe out.]

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